Does Not Need A Gundam Wing(man)

(An acquaintance and I are getting materials for a costume we’re both working on, a Gundam (essentially, a giant robot). He’s the one that will be wearing the finished costume, while my costume is the technician from the same anime series; her outfit consists of a fitted and fairly short dress and jacket.)

Him: “Man, you gotta be careful at the convention!”

Me: “What?”

Him: “All those pervs and fanboys! Dat a** is gonna attract them like crazy.”

Me: “Eh, I can handle the creepers at the convention.”

Him: “Naw, it’ll be up to me to protect you from the creepy fanboys. I’m all up in that chivalrous honor thing.”

(I’ve known for awhile that he has a huge crush on me. I also know that he’s a horny pervert; he fronts it with this sort of faux-chivalry thing to try and get into a woman’s pants.)

Me: *starting to get annoyed* “I’m perfectly capable of telling a pervert off, y’know.”

Him: “Yeah, but these guys, they don’t take ‘no’ from a woman. They’ll listen to a guy telling them off! But don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the bad guys!”

Me: *visibly annoyed* “I don’t need a ‘protector’ at the convention. There will be security all over the place, and I am perfectly capable of inflicting grievous bodily harm in self-defense. Plus I’ve got pepper spray in my purse.”

Him: *oblivious* “Yeah, any guys try and get close to you, they’ll have to deal with me first, and I won’t take any of their s***!”

Me: *finally had it* “You won’t be dealing with anyone. You will be wearing a costume over seven feet tall. You’ll be on seven inch tall giant platform shoes. You are barely going to be able to walk, never mind ‘rescuing’ maidens from the scaaaary creepers at the convention.”

Him: “But you’ll be in that short dress!”

Me: “And you have no business dictating who is allowed to speak with me at the convention! You are not my boyfriend, you will never be my boyfriend, and if you were my boyfriend, that sort of attitude would bring that relationship to a screeching and immediate halt! Are we clear?”

Him: *shrinking back* “Okay, okay! You know I’m just looking out for you, babe.”

(He ended up getting the ‘just friends/no I will not sleep with you’ talk. Not too long after the convention, we had a rather major falling out and haven’t spoken since.)