Doe Is Dear

(I work at a pet supply store that offers alternative foods for animals with allergies.)

Customer: “What’s bee-son?”

Me: “Bison. It’s an alternate protein source, similar to beef.”

Customer: “But what is it?”

Me: “It’s also called buffalo. It’ a lot like beef, just leaner.”

Customer: “But what is it?”

Me: “They’re kind of like, um, feral cows?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Moo?”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just say that? And veen-ay-son?”

(She points to a bag labelled “venison.”)

Me: “That’s deer.”

Customer: *more blank staring*

(I put my hands up on either side of my head like antlers.)

Me: “Bambi?”

Customer: “All these fancy names for things. It’s just so you can charge more for it, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s exactly how it works.”