Do You Want The Micro Or The Wave?

| Related | August 4, 2014

(This is a story told to me by my mother, about her awful first marriage, which lasted a year to the day. Her ex-husband’s mother absolutely hates her, and the feeling is very mutual. For the one Christmas they spent together, she gave them a microwave. After the divorce, my mother’s ex-husband takes everything except said microwave. Then, one day, he shows up on my mother’s doorstep.)

Ex-Husband: “Hi, I was wondering if I could have the microwave back?”

Mom: “Uh, sure, I guess. I could get a new one for cheap – why?”

Ex-Husband: “Well, my mom said she got it for me, and she wants it back now that—”

(Mentioning that it was his mother that really wanted it was his big mistake. My mom closes the door in his face. A couple days later, her ex-mother-in-law calls her.)

Ex-Mother-In-Law: “My boy tells me you won’t give him his microwave back.”

Mom: “Well, he got the house and all our furniture…”

Ex-Mother-In-Law: “It’s his property!”

Mom: “No, it belonged to both of us. You gave it to both of us.”

Ex-Mother-In-Law: “I got it for HIM.”

Mom: “Pity it doesn’t say that on the card.”

(Her ex-mother-in-law, however, refuses to let it go, and calls my mom every day for a week. Finally, this happens.)

Mom: “You know, I’ve been thinking it over. You did give it to both of us. It’s as much [Ex-Husband]’s microwave as it is mine. It’s half his. So, do you want the half with the buttons, or the half with the cord?”

Ex-Mother-In-Law: “Excuse me?”

Mom: “I have a saw.”

(She hung up, and my mom never heard from her again. And yes, she kept that microwave for a good ten years after.)


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