Do You Even DudeBro, Bro?  

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2019

(I work as a cashier at a sporting goods store where we see a lot of people trying to better their health. Occasionally, we get the odd few who take it a step further. Today, I’m cashing out a couple; the girl is soaking up everything the guy says. They’re buying a pullup bar that attaches to doorways.)

Guy: “The pullup exercise is all you really need to do to be fit. It is a complete body workout in one. I do CrossFit combined with yoga because the balance of body stress and targeting chi to stressed areas boosts testosterone. I also don’t take receipts because they are so bad for the environment; just touching them releases progesterone into males’ bloodstreams. It’s actually proven to shrink testicles over time!”

(I hoped that I was mishearing. His absolute sincerity and confidence threw me off to the point that I didn’t realize what I was doing: handing him the receipt. His look of disgust and fear threw me yet again. It suddenly clicked for me, and I placed it in his bag. He left, content, still teaching his friend some very half-baked ideas.)

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