Do… Do You WANT Them To Call You A Liar?

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Good afternoon. It’s a fresh day at [Store] in [Town]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Caller: “WHAT IS YOUR STORE POLICY?”

(With that opener, I know this is going to be a call to remember. The caller seems to be an older gentleman, with a somewhat strong accent.)

Me: “E-excuse me?”

Caller: “Your store policy. What is it?”

Me: “You’re going to have to be a bit more specific, sir.”

Caller: “Say a customer walks in. And then another customer walks in behind them. Who gets served first?”

Me: “Usually the person who walked in first, but—“

Caller: “YOU’RE WRONG!”

(I’m starting to think that this might be a call designed to test me, as I am well aware that our company is owned by an older gentleman with a similar accent.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “I came in yesterday, and someone else walked in behind me, and they got served first!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there are several reasons why that could have happened. You could have—“

Caller: “NO! I walked in first, so I should have been served first!”

(It is quite common for customers to walk in and spend several minutes deciding, as we have a long and complicated menu. We also have a register that is separated from all the others and is only open in the mornings. Sometimes customers will walk up to that register and stand there for a while, not realizing that it is not open. I mention both of these exceptions to him.)

Caller: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, no, sir, not at all. I’m just saying that most of our cashiers would not skip over a customer waiting in line if they knew said customer was ready to order—“

Caller: “You are calling me a liar! Well, I’m not! I was with my two kids, and they can tell you that I’m telling the truth!”

Me: “Oh, no, sir, I trust you. I believe that this happened. However, I was not here yesterday, so I do not know what could have caused this. Could you tell me what time you were in yesterday? That might help me figure out this issue, and which cashier is to blame.”

Caller: “Figure it out yourself! My name is [Unintelligible]!”

Me: “Sir, we do not keep a record of the names on all of the orders. But if you would not like to tell me, would you maybe like to speak to one of my managers? They could do more than I could.”

Caller: “No! This is your issue, so fix it!”

Me: “Sir, why don’t you come in today? I can offer you a free bakery item for your troubles, and that way you can talk to someone face-to-face.”

Caller: “No! You think I am a liar, and I don’t like you! My two kids will tell you I am telling the truth!”

Me: “Sir! I believe you! I am trying to help you! Let me help you!”

Caller: “NO!” *click*

(I stare, dumbfounded, at the phone in my hand, and then I dissolve into laughter. I go back to the office to tell the managers, just in case he calls again. After I have explained the whole call…)

Manager #1: “Well, that’s just one of those guys who just wants to complain.”

Manager #2: “Yeah, f*** him.”