DNR, Aisle 3

(An elderly gentleman approaches my register, unloads a few groceries onto the belt, and waits while I begin ringing his items up.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you doing today?”

Customer: *very angrily* “FINE!”

Me: “Did you happen to find everything okay today?”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “I am so sorry, sir. Is there anything that I can help you with today?”

Customer: *very loudly exclaiming* “I’m alive, aren’t I?!”