Didn’t Ace Their Behavioral Test

, , , , , | Learning | April 3, 2018

(I am a student in a language arts class. There is a substitute teacher today. While she is taking attendance:)

Teacher: “[My Name]?”

(I raise my hand.)

Teacher: *short pause* “Did you know your last name is [My Last Name]?”

Me: *confused by her suggestion that I might not know my last name* “Um… Yes?”

(She then stops class for several minutes to explain how important my last name is. Apparently, some random guy with a similar last name wrote a book that she likes. After this, class actually starts moving forward. The class has just finished reading Romeo and Juliet a few days ago, and today we read a short story called Pyramus and Thisbe, which is also about two forbidden lovers who killed themselves. The substitute teacher constantly stops the class to gush about how romantic the whole thing is. Both characters died near a mulberry bush, and after we finish:)

Teacher: “Now I want to get married near a mulberry bush. I wonder if there are any mulberry bushes in [Town]?”

(By this point, I think it’s safe to assume that just about everyone in the class is getting annoyed by this. One person in particular, who is never afraid to state her opinion, decides to say something.)

Other Student: “I don’t really care.”

Teacher: “Hold on! I did not just hear you say you don’t care? Why don’t you care?”

Other Student: “Because love is disgusting.”

Teacher: “What?! How is love disgusting?”

Other Student: “Anything intimate is just gross to me.”

(The substitute teacher then assumes that the student has come from an abusive household, or that she has mental health issues, or some such bullcrap. Being asexual myself, I decide to speak up.)

Me: “So, now it’s a crime to not be interested in love?”

Teacher: “Don’t tell me. You’re not interested in love, either?”

Me: “Nope.”

(The substitute teacher assumed that I was going through mental health issues, as well. She went on for several minutes about how we were both going to become hermits with no social skills, and not have any friends or contacts. I’ve heard of homophobia before, but I didn’t know there were people who thought asexuality was a sin. Between that and her obsession with my last name, I was glad to get out of that class with that substitute teacher.)

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