Determining Detergent Detriment

(I am away to college for the first time and have resorted to buying a cheap brand of laundry detergent. My mom comes up at the end of the semester to help me move, and her nostrils immediately flare.)

Mom: “What detergent do you use?”

Me: “[Detergent Brand #1].”

Mom: “So, that’s what smells. You have to throw it away.”

Me: “What, why?”

Mom: “I’ll buy you more of [Detergent Brand #2] and rewash all your clothes. Let’s go.”

(I’m annoyed that we’re doing this, worried that my mom thinks I can’t handle this adulting task. But d*** it, if she isn’t right! The new brand is so much better and makes my clothes smell heavenly. I continue to use this product. A year later, I go back home to visit. My mom and I are sitting on the couch when she looks at me.)

Mom: “I still smell it.”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “[Detergent Brand #1].”

Me: “That’s impossible; I’ve only used the laundry detergent you told me about.”

Mom: *sniffs* “I can still smell it.”

(Years later, I’ve moved a province away and have been teaching for two years. I have new clothes, but I still use the detergent my mom turned me onto. I come home for a brief visit in the summer, when…)

Mom: “I can still smell that [Detergent Brand #1].”

(At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if these were her deathbed comments.)