Desist The Assist

(I don’t usually call back when I miss a call from an unknown number, but this time I have had several calls from the same number during the day so, thinking it is someone I know that changed their number, I decide to call. Of course, I get no answer, but an hour later the number calls again and this time I’m able to answer. English is not my first language, and this guy speaks very fast. The whole conversation happens in a very polite way.)

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m returning a missed call. Who are you and what do you need?”

Me: “I was calling because I had several missed calls from this number during the day. Who are you, and why did you call?”

Caller: “Please, give me your name; you called first.”

Me: “Sorry, but I will not give my name to a random caller. Why do I have five missed calls from your number all during the morning?”

Caller: “Okay, madam, my name is [Caller] and I’m a [word I can’t understand] assistant. How can I help you today?”

Me: “Sorry, [Caller], did you say, ‘medical assistant’?”

Caller: “No, business assistant, BUSINESS.”

Me: “Ah! Okay, well, I don’t need a business assistant. Where did you get my number? Please don’t call again.”

Caller: “But you haven’t told me your name yet, and everyone needs an assistant; tell me in what do you for work and I will give you some advice.”

Me: “I really don’t need a business assistant. Please take me off your contacts.”

Caller: “Please let me help you.”

Me: *getting tired of the conversation* “Okay, [Caller], my name is [My First Name]. If you really want to help, I have something for you.”

Caller: “Great, [My Name], what do you need? Where do you work?”

Me: “Well, I’m a full-time mother, and I really need help with my baby’s poopy diaper. Can you change it?”

Caller: “Ehhh, well, ehhh… So, you really don’t need help. Have a good day. Bye.” *click*