Derriere Size Is A Science

(I am pregnant with my second child, working as a cashier. It is not long before my due date. I am ringing a woman through when she asks for cigarettes. I have to leave my till to get them behind another till, maybe ten feet away. While I wobble, she turns and looks at my backside, even turning her head. Then, she informs my coworker at the next till:)

Customer: “She’s having a boy. I can tell because of how fat her a** has gotten.”

(I come back and finish up the transaction while my coworker and her customers stare at the woman with their mouths literally open. As soon as she walks out the door, my coworker’s customer, who is also a regular, says:)

Regular: “What a b****! I don’t care what the reason is; never comment on a pregnant woman’s a**!” *to me* “Sweetheart, ignore her! You are beautiful, and good for you for working so long.”

Me: *confused* “Thank you.”

(As soon as both customers have left, my coworker explains what happened, and we spend the next several hours laughing about it. About four hours later:)

Me: “Oh, my God. I just realized something!”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “For her to know how big my a** has gotten means she had to have been checking it out before.”

Coworker: “Okay, that just went from funny to creepy.”