Delivering Some Stupidity

| Working | February 17, 2014

(My sister is visiting from Edmonton, so she, her son, and our mother are all spending the weekend at my mother’s house. After a rough time getting my nephew to sleep, no one wants to risk waking the kid. We order pizza, and to ensure nothing goes wrong, I elect to wait on the front step with the money so the doorbell or the dogs flipping out won’t wake him. Finally, the car arrives.)

Me: “Ah, excellent. If you could just—”

Delivery Driver: “Excuse me. I need to deliver this.”

Me: “I know; I’m picking it up. I’ve got a baby that just went to sleep and two dogs who flip at anything with a pulse inside, so I’m here to pay and take the pizza.”

Delivery Driver: “I have no proof you live here. You could just take the pizza and leave.” *continues to push past me*

Me: “Dude, wait! Seriously, you make any noise and you’ll wake the baby!”

Delivery Driver: “I can’t trust you.”

Me: “I’ll prove I live here. I’ll let myself in.” *gets up, opens the door, and steps in*

Delivery Driver: *rings the doorbell*

(On cue, I now have two energetic dogs at the front door barking their heads off, but not loud enough to drown out the sound of my nephew, awake and cranky, seconds later.)

Me: “The pizza will be cold before we get to eat it now. Thanks.”

Delivery Driver: “I didn’t know! If you had said something!”

Me: “I did. Twice.”

(I proceed to pay for the pizza.)

Delivery Driver: “Where is my tip?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t hear you. Someone woke the baby.” *closes the door*

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