Deaths And Marriages

(My mom, sisters and I are having a girly night by watching wedding shows. A woman on one of the shows complains that she doesn’t like bouquet tosses.)

Sister: “I caught the bouquet at [relative’s] wedding, even though everyone was saying that [my name] would get married next.”

Me: “Think about it from my perspective. I’m 11, and they’re all saying the next family wedding will be mine.”

Sister: “Or [cousin slightly younger than me]. But he’s in the seminary. So now I just need to get rid of you and [other sister], and I’ll be good.”

Me: “Get rid of us?”

Sister: “Yeah, I wouldn’t eat my brownies again if I were you, or my buffalo chicken dip.”

Me: “You know, killed by poisoned buffalo chicken dip? I’m not sure that’s a very dramatic murder there. You’re not up to [mystery TV show] standards yet.”

Sister: “I don’t have producers, honey. I do what I can.”