Death Of A Sales Pitch

| Working | January 16, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are eating dinner one night when there is a knock at the door. Since we live in an apartment there is no hiding the fact that we are home. When my boyfriend opens the door a young salesman immediately launches into a well rehearsed tirade.)

Salesman: “Good evening to you, my man, and thank you for granting me the courtesy of listening to my sale pitch.”

Boyfriend: “Um… sure.”

Salesman: “As I am sure you have noticed by now I am a young, college-aged person, and you are wondering why I would even come to your door.”

Boyfriend: “Well—”

Salesman: “I am working hard to earn money to study communications in college. You look college age. Are you studying too?”

Boyfriend: “Um, yeah… I’m studying English.”

Salesman: “You are so god-d*** lucky, my man, that you can afford to go to college and live in this nice apartment with your woman.”

(The salesman gestures at our 400 sq. ft. apartment and me on the couch.)

Boyfriend: “Actually we both are studying here with the help of lots of loans and two jobs—”

Salesman: “Right. So, you should be able to find it in your hearts to buy some magazine subscriptions from me, to help me be able to afford college like you!”

(I stand up and come to the door.)

Me: “Well, I am sorry. As my boyfriend here said, we both can barely afford to eat every night, much less buy magazines from a total stranger.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah. I’m sorry, man, but we just can’t justify spending money on extra things. Surely you can understand, since we are in the same situation as you.”

Salesman: “No. I don’t f****** understand. That’s bull-s***!”

(The salesman storms away down the row of apartments.)

Boyfriend: “Did he say he was studying to be a communications major?”

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