Deal-ing With Idiots

(I am a manager using an info desk computer when an irate customer storms over.)

Customer: “I’ve been overcharged! It’s lucky I checked my receipt; it’s ridiculous the mistakes your staff make! I can’t believe you are trying to overcharge me!”

Me: “Hi there. What exactly is the issue?”

Customer: *brandishes receipt* “I was to get three meat items for £10, but it hasn’t gone through!”

Me: “Okay, may I see your receipt and your items, please? Sometimes customers accidentally lift an item not included in the deal… Oh, I see the issue: you’ve only been charged for two items, not three!”

Customer: “I DON’T UNDERSTAND! I HAVE BEEN OVERCHARGED”

Me: “Actually, you have been undercharged by £1.60! The two items only add up to £8.40, so you got the third item for free!”

Customer: “No, I got cheated. You are trying to overcharge me! I don’t understand!”

Me: *trying not to be patronizing* “Do you see these two items?” *holds them up* “You were charged £8.40 for them, and this item–” *points at third item* “–was never scanned. It was free. The deal didn’t work because you were paying less.“

Customer: “But I don’t get it! You were not giving me the deal!”

Me: “Yes, because you didn’t pay for all three items. You paid less. In fact, you owe me £1.60.”

(Normally, as a gesture of goodwill, if they had been nice I would have let them go on with their free item, but I am at my wits’ end.)

Customer: “But how do I owe you money? You owe me money!”

Me: “Right. I’m going to refund you for the two items on your receipt. Now I’m scanning the items. Okay, the deal has gone through; you owe me £1.60.” 

Customer: “I got the deal?”

Me: “Yes. You got the deal. That will be £1.60, please” 

(The customer paid and left, still muttering about how they didn’t understand. I went and took five minutes in the cold room in the back.)