Deactivism
(Near my home is a very expensive liberal arts college whose student body seems to largely fall into two categories: hipsters and overly-aggressive, often misinformed “activists.” I am walking my large husky near the campus. An activist practically runs up to me.)
Student Activist: “Excuse me, miss. Can I have a moment of your time to talk about animal rights and exotic animal ownership?”
Me: “Actually, a few years ago I spent a summer interning at [Wildlife Sanctuary] and am pretty well versed in the dangers of having exotic animals as pets and the issues surrounding it. I assure you I’m against it. Good luck to you.”
Student Activist: “Oh, so you ‘understand’ and are ‘against it,’ huh?”
Me: “Yes. That’s what I said.”
Student Activist: “So I suppose those rules are only for other people and not for you.”
Me: “What? No. What are you talking about?”
Student Activist: “I’m talking about that wolf you’re walking around an urban area!”
Me: “What, him?!” *unable to resist laughing* “He’s definitely not a wolf.”
Student Activist: “He’s clearly too large! He’s a hybrid at the very least.”
Me: “I’ll admit he’s on the tall side for a husky, but I assure you he is all purebred husky.”
Student Activist: “If he’s not dangerous, why is he wearing a muzzle!?”
Me: “That’s a ‘Gentle Leader.’ If it was a muzzle, would his whole mouth be hanging out?”
(The student activist goes on a rant about how I’m oppressing a wild animal. I decide to have some fun.)
Me: “[Dog]! Howl! Come on boy, howl!”
(My dog wags his tail like crazy and admits a very loud and wolf-like howl that huskies are famous for.)
Me: “Yay! Good boy!” *rubs my very excited dog’s belly and scratches his ears*
Student Activist: “Well, you should be ashamed of yourself for buying a designer purebred and contributing to overpopulation of dogs!”
Me: “Yeah, hun. I’m leaving now, but just so you know, I got him from a rescue when he was five months old. Bye now.”
(On my way back home, I heard a familiar voice scolding someone for having the audacity to eat a hamburger in his presence.)
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