De-Icing The Decaf

(My mother and I are in a drive-thru at a popular doughnut shop where the owner usually takes the orders himself.)

Owner: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Mother: “One medium iced mocha latte, one decaf—”

Owner: “Iced mocha latte?”

(The usual response after this is ‘we don’t do that,’ even if mocha is one of their listed flavorings for iced coffee.)

Mother: “Yes. A medium iced latte, mocha flavored, please.”

Owner: “How do you want that?”

(We exchange baffled looks.)

Me: *to mother* “Iced… with milk and chocolate?”

Owner: *over me* “You want sugar and whipped cream?”

Mother: “Oh. Sugar, no whipped cream.”

Owner: “Okay. What else?”

Mother: “An iced decaf coffee with milk and [sugar substitute], and two [special doughnuts].”

Owner: “Okay, iced coffee and two doughnuts. So that’s one small iced mocha and one medium iced coffee with milk and [sugar substitute]?”

Mother: “They should both be mediums, and the iced coffee should be decaf.”

Owner: “Oh, okay. One medium iced latte with mocha and one iced decaf with cream and [sugar substitute].”

Mother: *giving up* “Right. And two [doughnuts].”

Owner: *cheerfully* “And two [doughnuts]. Please drive to the window!”

(Our coffees were both larges. We just hoped that my mother’s was actually decaf. But I did learn that if you say ‘iced latte, mocha’, then they understand much faster!)