Archive for 2013

Jump to page:

Taking A Holiday From Reason, Part 2

| Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Working | December 10, 2013

(It is approaching the holidays. My mom is buying a gift for someone. We are Jewish.)

Cashier: “Would you like a gift receipt?”

Mom: “Yes, please.”

Cashier: “Is this a Christmas Present?”

Mom: “No. It’s for Chanukah.”

Cashier: “You’re Jewish?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Cashier: *shocked* “Really?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Cashier: “So you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving?”


Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15

| SK, Canada | Working | December 10, 2013

(My husband’s boss isn’t the most tech savvy person. He’s asked my husband to figure out how he can change his current home sound system to a wireless sound system. It’s not part of my husband’s job but it’s a slow afternoon so he does the research.)

Husband: “After checking everything out it should cost around $3000 for you to upgrade to a wireless system.”

Boss: “No, that can’t be right. I read online you can change what you have.”

Husband: “No. You’ll need to purchase a whole new system. If you want the same set up that you have now it’ll cost around three thousand.”

Boss: “No. I read on the internet you buy that wireless box thing and you cut the wires on the speakers and leave about 3 inches bare and it’ll pick up the signals.”

Husband: “…pick up the signals?” *deep breath* “So, lets say this worked. How would the speakers know whether it should be picking up the left or right signal for the speaker?”

Boss: “If it’s a left speaker it’ll know what to do.”

(After much explaining that went nowhere, his boss was still convinced that he could just buy a ‘wireless box’ and strip some wires to upgrade his five year old sound system. Not to mention he wanted it completely wireless! NO power cables or anything! Somehow this man runs a business.)


Hellish Working Conditions

| MI, USA | Working | December 10, 2013

(Our office has gone through substantial cutbacks in recent years, even though our business has expanded. This has meant a lot more work for the remaining staff. It has put us all under some strain. A recent memo from upper management announcing a new labor-intensive policy was met with groans from most, and a loud outburst from one coworker noted for being… twitchy.)

Coworker #1: “And Pharaoh said, ‘Don’t give the Israelites any more straw, but force them to make as many bricks as before! They are lazy, demanding to sacrifice to their god! Make them work harder, so they keep working!’”

Coworker #2: *quietly, to me* “What’s he going on about?”

Me: “It’s from the Bible. Exodus. He’s comparing us to slaves in Egypt, and the VP to Pharaoh. With his beard, I guess he’s Moses.”

Coworker #1: “…and Rehoboam said, ‘My father laid a heavy yoke on you, I will make it heavier! My father chastised you with whips, I will chastise you with scorpions!’”

Me: “And now he’s moved on to 2nd Kings…”

Coworker #2: “If he brings a scorpion to work, I’m quitting.”

1 Thumbs

An Accidental Coincidental

| Prince George, BC, Canada | Related | December 10, 2013

(In the week before starting school for the first time, I get a number of injuries. I fall off my bike, causing a terrible road-rash. I fall off a bike rack I was climbing on, giving me a black eye. Then, I somehow manage to fall UP the stairs, busting my lip open. A doctor’s appointment for a very stubborn wart turns out leaving me with a chemical burn on one arm. All of this is not unusual for me. Mom takes a good look at me in the morning before turning to my dad.)

Mom: “We’re totally getting social services called on us. Aren’t we?”

Dad: “Well, they know [Older Sister], so hopefully not. Call me if you need me. I can leave work if I have to.”

(When I get to school, the teacher gives me a worried look. Nothing seems to happen until Mom comes to get me at the end of the day. My teacher again looks worried when Mom comes over. I am currently playing tag with some of the other kids in full view of both of them.)

Teacher: “Ah, Mrs. [Last Name]. I’m afraid there’s been a little bit of an… incident involving your child.”

(Before the teacher can elaborate, I trip over nothing and faceplant. The road-rash on my arms starts bleeding again, but I just get up and keep playing.)

Mom: “That sort of incident?”

Teacher: *nods*

Mom: “Yeah. She does that. A lot.”

1 Thumbs

Dress Stress

| MN, USA | Related | December 10, 2013

(My mom, my sister, and I are shopping for bridesmaids dresses for my sister’s wedding. My sister knows basically what she is looking for. We are just trying to find something that has everything she wants. My mom holds up a dress that doesn’t fit any of the requirements.)

Mom: “What about something like this? But a longer length. And a different color. And without the ugly wrinkly pattern in the middle. And a better neckline.”

Me: “So… What DO you like about the dress?”

(There is a long pause in which my sister and I start to crack up.)

Mom: “I hate you both.”

Page 97/1,563First...9596979899...Last
« Previous
Next »