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Loss Prevention

Extras

LP-MEME

Best Left To His Own Company

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A customer is trying to return a computer he has had for over six months.)

Me: “Sorry, you can’t return it now, but we may be able to fix it. What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t get online anymore.”

(I start working on the computer, and find the antivirus has expired and locked down the browser. This is a sneaky trick some antivirus software does to get you to renew.)

Me: “I removed your expired AV. Your browser is working. You will need new AV.”

Customer: “Awesome, that’s great. Hey do you have those cameras that go up high?”

Me: “…Cameras that go up high?”

Customer: “Yeah, like those.”

(He points to the store’s security cameras.)

Me: “Oh, security cameras? No, we don’t sell anything like that.”

Customer: “But [Other Store] sells them.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but we are a different company.”

(As I answer him, the customer looks very strange; it’s as if he is no longer all there mentally. He begins muttering to himself.)

Customer: “Different company? Diff-erent company… Different comp-any…”

(The customer picks up his computer and walks off, all the while continuing to mutter and stare directly into the lights in the ceiling. After he leaves, my coworker speaks up.)

Coworker: “…What just happened?”

The Warranty Comes Warranted

| Leicester, England, UK | Technology

(A young customer comes wandering in during lunchtime, fiddling with the laptops on display.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please. I’d like to buy a laptop.”

Me: “Certainly. What would you be using it for?”

Customer: “Facebook, Skype, iTunes, and Civilisation IV. And typing, I guess.”

(I show her a sturdy Dell.)

Customer: “Excellent, I’ll take it. Does it come with a warranty?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, Dell offers a standard one-year warranty.”

Customer: “Uhm, would it be possible to get a… longer warranty?”

Me: “We offer an additional three year full warranty for [amount] more.”

Customer: “Does it cover… like… EVERYTHING? Like, maybe, falling down stairs, getting rolled over by suitcases, accidental cups of coffee?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, Ma’am. Everything.”

Customer: *sighs, resigned* “I’ll have the full warranty. Something tells me I’ll need it!”