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See-Through Curfew

| KS, USA | Related | December 12, 2013

(I am 12 years old and female. My best friend is a 13-year-old male. I am at his house and am supposed to be home by 10 o’clock.)

Friend’s Mom: “Son, time for bed! Shut off the game.”

Friend: “Why?”

Friend’s Mom: “It’s 2 am!”

(I get up and silently walk into the living room from his room.)

Friend’s Mom: “Whoa, [My Name]. You’re still here?”

Me: *rubs head* “We lost track of time. See ya later!”

(I leave and go home, which is just across the street. I find that everyone is asleep, and didn’t even realize that I missed my curfew… by four hours.)

Forever Young

| USA | Related | December 12, 2013

(My grandmother has Alzheimer’s disease. My uncle’s wife helps to take care of her while my grandfather is ill. My aunt is in her 40s. My grandma is in her 70s, but often believes herself to be in her 20s still.)

Aunt: “Alright, [Grandma’s name]. Time for your shower! Let’s go.”

Gran: “Oh, alright. I don’t know why you want me to shower in the middle of the day, but if it’ll stop you from nagging…”

Aunt: “It’s only eight! What do you mean the middle of the day?”

Gran:I’ve been up for hours. Eight is the middle of the day.”

(They go into the bathroom together, bantering away. My grandma just stares at my aunt for several moments without doing or saying anything.)

Aunt: “What’s the matter? Do you need help getting undressed?”

Gran: “No, but I want my privacy!”

Aunt: “You know I can’t do that; not since you slipped.”

Gran: “Oh, fine. But turn away.”

Aunt: “You’re shy now? Wait’ll I tell Pop!”

Gran: “It’s just that– Well. I’m getting a little fat, is all. I don’t want you to see how awful my tummy is now.”

Aunt: “You’ve got nothing on me!”

(My aunt lifts her shirt to reveal her stomach.)

Aunt: “Look at that!”

Gran: “Yes, but that’s because you’re old and have kids already. I don’t have any such excuse.”

Santa Knows Who The Bad Apples Are

| AB, Canada | Related | December 12, 2013

(I notice my laptop is reaching a scorching hot level the more I pull up documents and presentation sources for my undergraduate research paper. I text my mom with a request.)

Me: “Can I add a laptop cooling pad to my Christmas list?”

Mom: “Does Santa know what they are?”

Me: “I’m sure his tech center knows.”

Mom: “They are not something he uses when asking the kids what they want. His lap must get very hot.”

Me: “That’s because he’s switched to an iPad for road work!”

Mom: “Oh, iElf!”

Just Don’t Get Married In Boring, Maryland

| USA | Romantic | December 12, 2013

(My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage. We have decided we would like to get married on Halloween. The state we live in happens to have a city genuinely called Hell. I text him excitedly.)

Me: “So, since we’re getting married on Halloween, do you want to get married in Hell?”

Boyfriend: “Haha! Sure!”

Me: “Yes! Whoo hoo! We’re dark! Just so you know, I would also marry you on Valentine’s Day in Loveland. Or any day. In any city.”

Boyfriend: “Easter on Easter Island? Christmas on Christmas Island? Columbus Day in Columbus, Ohio?”

Me: “Canada Day in Canada, even! Boxing Day in a Boxing ring! Wearing nothing but socks. Decorations only clocks. My maid of honor would be a fox! And instead of rings, we’d exchange keys to locks!”

Boyfriend: “Badabing!”

About To Enter Space Dock

| Austria | Romantic | December 12, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are lying in bed. We’re watching an episode of ‘Star Trek’ in which Scotty plays a significant role. My hand is unintentionally placed near my boyfriend’s lap.)

Me: “Beam me up, Scotty!”

Boyfriend: *looking at my hand* “You know, you could beam something up, too…”

Me: “Um. Seriously?”

Boyfriend: “Make it so!”

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