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Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | December 11, 2013

(I am bartending. A nicely dressed couple in their 20s comes in and order drinks at the bar. They’ve been polite and quiet. The woman is on the heavier side, but still quite cute in her skirt. When the woman’s boyfriend goes to the restroom, a rowdy customer in a polo shirt, who has been obnoxious all night, approaches the bar.)

Rowdy Customer: “Hey! Hey! I need another gin and tonic! Hey!”

Me: “I’ll be right with you. Just let me fill this order.”

(As I’m filling the other order, I look up and see the rowdy customer eyeing the woman. He leans onto the bar while staring at her.)

Rowdy Customer: “Hey, you.”

(The woman ignores him, and turns slightly away.)

Rowdy Customer: “You know, a pig in a dress is still just a pig in a dress!”

(At this point, I’m speechless. I see the woman’s face turn from a smile into an extremely angry frown. Before I can say anything, the woman turns towards him.)

Woman: “Yeah, and you know, an a**hole in a polo is still just an a**hole in a polo!”

Rowdy Customer: “I… what?”

Me: “You can pay up and get out of here for harassing other customers. That’s what!”

Rowdy Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

(The rowdy customer leaves some money on the counter and storms out. I turn to the woman.)

Me: “Hey, that was the best thing I’ve heard all night! Can I get you and your boyfriend the next round?”

(She smiles and accepts, ordering a drink for herself and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend comes back after everything has quieted down.)

Me: “Here’s your free round. Really, that was a great come back! It made my day!”

Woman: “Thanks!”

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Out Of Control On Animal Control

, | Newark, NJ, USA | Working | December 11, 2013

(I’m waiting to order when I hear a scream from a few tables over.)

Customer: “Aaah! Rat! No… raccoon!”

(Sure enough, there’s a small but well-fed raccoon sitting calmly on an empty table and eating crumbs.)

Customer: “Careful! It could be rabid!”

(A waiter and waitress come over, not looking overly concerned.)

Waiter: “Naw, that’s Jerry. He’s usually out back getting into the dumpster, but he’s friendly.”

(The waiter flaps his hands at the raccoon.)

Waiter: “Hey, Jerry, f*** off! You live outside!”

Waitress: “He ain’t leaving. Want me to call animal control?”

Waiter: “Yeah, better call. I don’t want to get bit. I think we have the number written down.”

Waitress: “Don’t worry! I got it on speed dial!”

Owner: *shouting from the kitchen* “What did I say about saying that near customers?!”

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Doing A Disservice To Customer Service

| USA | Working | December 11, 2013

(I am stocking shelves in the general merchandise side of a large store. A customer comes up to me to ask a question.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where this [Brand] of laundry soap is?”

Me: “Sure. It can be tricky since the clothespins and laundry baskets are over here. It’s actually on the grocery side of the store in aisle 13.”

(The customer suddenly looks very dejected and turns to go that way.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to show you if you would like.”

Customer: “Oh! That would be wonderful!”

(The customer actually hugs me and goes off towards the grocery side. I follow her, and show her exactly where to find her exact product.)

Me: “Is there anything else you would like me to help you find?”

(The customer pulls out a list and very sheepishly starts listing off multiple products.)

Customer: “I’ve just moved here and never been in this store before. I can’t seem to find anything. This place is so big.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. I’ll help you find it or I’ll find someone who can.”

(I help her for the next hour and a half. I miss my lunch break. At the end we’re talking about how she can organize her list so that she can start at one end of the store and go to the other, without having to backtrack, for her next shopping trip. My manager notices that I’m talking to her. He thinks she’s a friend, or something, and starts yelling at me.)

Manager: “You’ve missed your lunch break! Now I’m going to have to overlap you with another worker! It will mess up everyone’s schedule!”

Customer: “Excuse me, young man. This woman just spent more than an hour helping me to find all my purchases for today. When I was done shopping I was going to ask to speak with her manager about her wonderful conduct, but I think I’ll have to also talk to the store owner about your improper conduct. How dare you berate an employee in front of a perfect stranger!”

(The customer hugs me. She thanks me again before going off to check out. The customer informed our store owner that her husband is a wealthy lawyer and their daughter is expecting triplets. They were also remodeling their new house; she would be spending a lot of money on baby furniture and supplies for their house. She said if the owner allowed managers to yell at employees like that for no reason she would take her business elsewhere. I found out the next day my department manager was fired and I received a raise. She and her daughter came in the next month. They bought $8,000 worth of baby clothes, car seats, strollers, cribs, toys, diapers, and everything else you could want for a baby (or three!). She called and made sure I worked that day so that I could help her pick out the stuff she wanted. I got a $100 tip.)

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A Total Air-Head

| CA, USA | Working | December 11, 2013

(I am checking out, and my cashier puts my kale on the scanner and proceeds to smash the air out of the bag with her hand.)

Me: “Why are you—”

Cashier: “Well, you don’t want to pay more than you have to!”

In Need Of Appointing A New Coworker

| CA, USA | Working | December 11, 2013

(I work at a healthcare call center that does appointments for doctors. One of my coworkers is notorious, as the patients she deals with tend to have a lot of scheduling errors. She always insists that the patient or doctor screwed up. I have been recently promoted to a supervisor. One of my jobs is listening to a recording of one of her calls that got flagged.)

Coworker: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Patient: “I remember you. I called you yesterday to cancel a hip surgery that I never scheduled with Dr [Name].”

Coworker: “Well, that can’t be. I see your appointment right here. Are you sure you didn’t leave a message at the doctor’s office by mistake?”

Patient: *annoyed* “NO. I spoke to YOU directly. You swore that you would fix the doctor’s mistake. In fact, it was the third time I called to cancel the appointment and you were the one I talked to all three times. Now, can you please transfer me to someone who can fix this?”

Coworker: *very nasty* “Listen up, you old bat. Just admit you had a bout of dementia and called the wrong place. I’m not going to sit here and listen to a bunch of stupid accusations.”

(My coworker hangs up, which we’re specifically instructed not to do unless the patient is belligerent and incredibly rude. Curious, I call the patient and she is able to provide me the dates and hours she called previously. I am able to find recordings of the previous calls. They all have my coworker promising the patient that everything would be taken care of and she had nothing to worry about since it was the doctor’s mistake. Luckily, part of my promotion meant I could report her directly to management. She was fired within a week when it was discovered this was hardly the first case!)

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