(I work at a call center for a large car rental company, booking rentals and providing customer service. I’ve been told my voice is very robotic.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “I’d like to book a rental.”

Me: “When and where would you like to pick up your rental?”

Caller #1: “I’d like to speak to a person.”

Me: “Sir, I am a person.”

Caller #1: “No, you’re the answering machine. Connect me to a person.”

Me: “No, sir. I am a real person. My name is [First Name].”

Caller #1: “STOP LYING TO ME, ROBOT!”

(The caller hangs up. Five minutes pass and my next call comes in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Speak to an agent.”

Me: “I am an agent, sir. Would you like to schedule a booking?”

Customer #2: “Oh, wow! You sound exactly like the voice on the menus!”

Weekly Roundup: 5 Festive Stories of Unseasonable Customers! In this week’s roundup, we celebrate the start of the holiday season with five Christmas and Holiday-themed bad customer stories!

1. The Karate Kid: Christmas Special (3,515 thumbs up)
2. Waxing Lyrical About Christmas Kindness (2,743 thumbs up)
3. Santa Vs Jason (1,266 thumbs up)
4. Little White Lies On Little White Christmases (3,715 thumbs up)
5. Hard-To-Please-Her Scrooge (1,736 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(We’ve just had sex, and I am straddling my boyfriend.)

Me: “What would you do if a girl peed on you in this position to mark you as her territory?”

Boyfriend: “I’d probably throw her off into the coffee table or something. That’s just not okay.”

Me: “You wouldn’t even say anything to her? You would just throw her off?”

(My boyfriend holds up his hand and does a Gandalf impersonation.)

Boyfriend: “YOU SHALL NOT PISS!”

(I work for a computer retailer. A customer brings in a system he bought about an hour ago.)

Customer: “Yeah. I want to return this computer. The CD-drive isn’t working.”

Me: “Not working? How so, sir?”

Customer: “Discs don’t fit inside it.”

(I hook up the machine to a monitor setup we have and open the disc tray, and it reads the CD I put in just fine.)

Customer: “Wait, the computer looks different now!”

Me: “Different? Sir, this is an Apple. They look pretty much the same all the time.”

Customer: “No. The symbol on the side there! It’s upside down.”

Me: “It’s an Apple: a leaf, and an apple with a bite out of it.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “I… put it on the floor upside down, didn’t I?”

This story is part of our Macintosh roundup!

Read the next Macintosh roundup story!

Read the Macintosh roundup!

(I am in a bookstore buying some books for my younger brother. I am Japanese.)

Me: “Hi. I’m going to buy these.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

(I see the cashier pick up a radio and operate the register for change. I don’t take any notice until a security guard comes up.)

Security Guard: “What seems to be the problem?”

Cashier: “This Jap was trying to buy these books. Now, I can TELL she’s really got something else with her; she’s trying to distract me while stealing it.”

Me: *horrified* “WHAT?!”

Security Guard: “Did you see her pick anything else up?”

Cashier: “I KNOW she’s not getting these books for herself; they’re fifth grade! And there’s a ton of stuff on the counter.”

(I look. They include candy and an assortment of small handbooks, none of which are worth stealing.)

Cashier: “Plus, she’s a teenager! The only reason teenagers come into shops is to steal! They never read!”

Security Guard: “Just stop being bigoted and let me search her bag.”

(The security guard searches my bag. The cashier just looks smug.)

Cashier: “You are SOOOO in trouble, ‘ching-chong’!'”

Security Guard: “There’s nothing in here that she hasn’t brought. And I think you’d better apologize to her.”

Cashier: “As if! I’m going on break!”

(The cashier goes off. When I next went back to the store, thankfully, I heard she was fired!)