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Must Have That New Biohazard

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Working | December 16, 2013

Coworker #1: “Did he say why he called in sick?

Coworker #2: “He hasn’t beaten his video game yet.”

Me: “I heard that’s been going around.”

Policeless State Versus Stateless Police

| NC, USA | Working | December 16, 2013

(I am borrowing my mother’s boyfriend’s SUV. He is from New York and still has a New York license plate on the rear of the SUV. He has removed the front one, which is required by New York state law to be on there. I am driving in North Carolina, which does not have front license plate laws. I have just been pulled over.)

Officer: “Can I see your license and registration, please?”

(I hand them over.)

Officer: “Okay. Who is the owner of this vehicle?”

Me: “My mother’s boyfriend, [Name].”

Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”

Me: “I haven’t the slightest.”

Officer: “When I passed you, I noticed that this vehicle is from New York. You do not have a front license plate.”

Me: *confused* “Okay?”

Officer: “You do know that is required by New York state, correct?”

Me: “Yeah, I know. But we are in North Carolina.”

(The officer looks dumbfounded. There is an awkward moment of silence.)

Officer: “I’m going to run these. I’ll be right back.”

(The officer leaves and returns a few minutes later. He hands me a piece of paper.)

Officer: “I’m giving you a ticket for not having a front license plate on this vehicle. I have circled your fine for you at the top.”

(I read over the ticket. It clearly says that I have willfully and unlawfully driven a New York registered vehicle without a front license plate.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. You do not have the authority to enforce New York state law.”

Officer: “But I am from New York, and I know that it is illegal.”

Me: “But you are a North Carolina police officer, correct?”

Officer: “Yeah. What of it? Your ticket clearly states what you are accused of.”

Me: “I don’t think yo—”

Officer: “Sir, if you want to dispute the ticket, you can take it to the [County] courthouse.”

Me: “So you ACTUALLY think you can cite me for this?”

Officer: *blank stare*

Me: “Call your sergeant down for me.”

Officer: “He’s not going to drop this.”

Me: “CALL. HIM.”

(A few minutes later, another squad car pulls up. As the sergeant gets out, the officer bombards him with the situation. He finally hands the sergeant the ticket he wrote me.)

Sergeant: *pointing to me* “So you wrote this for him?”

Officer: “Correct, sir.”

(The sergeant walks up to me. He says hi, and looks over the SUV.)

Sergeant: “I’m guessing I’m here because the greenhorn over there somehow made it through the academy.”

Me: “So, you see the problem with this, too?”

Sergeant: “I’ve heard of the problems this particular officer has been making. We’ve had a few complaints, too.”

Me: “Not surprising. But uh, can I leave? Or…”

Sergeant: “How about we have fun with this? Take your ticket over to Officer [Name], and tear it up in his face. Try to do it right in front of the squad car.”

Me: “I like you. A lot.”

(I did it too, and right in his face! The officer exploded when I did it, screaming and cussing at me like I was a loose convict. The sergeant let me leave. As I was getting back in the SUV I heard the sergeant yelling at the officer about how he can’t enforce other states’ laws. Judging by the officer’s look, he still didn’t understand.)

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Every Dog Has Its Christmas Day

| USA | Working | December 16, 2013

(I work at a kennel, where people board their dogs while they’re on vacation. Everyone is very laid-back which makes the job more fun. My boss, coworker, and I are going over the holiday schedule.)

Boss: “I’m really sorry to say it, but you two ladies are going to have to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. [Coworker] is going on a family vacation. I do have good news, though! All you have to do is come in, let the dogs out, feed them, and clean. You can go home right after that because we’ll be closed. Plus, you will get time and a half. I do need both of you, since we’re booked solid. So, please make sure you’re on time.”

Me: “No problemo, boss lady.”

(My coworker and I step outside to clean up a bit.)

Coworker: “Why did you tell her that that was fine?! That’s f****** bull-s***! I am NOT working on Christmas!”

Me: “Well, someone has to. And I’ll be there, too. I doubt we’ll be here more than a couple hours. Plus, we get time and a half! And at least we won’t have to deal with clients. Since we’re closed we should get everything done extra fast.”

Coworker: “If we’re closed, why the f*** do we have to come in?”

Me: “Uhh… It’s our job to take care of these dogs.”

Coworker: “That’s r******d!”

Me: “Are you telling me that if it was up to you, you’d give your employees the day off? These dogs would sit in their crap all day, since no one will be here to clean up after them. You would let the dogs go hungry for a day because you don’t want to work?”

Coworker: “Dude, it’s ONE day!”

Me: “But people pay a lot of money to board their dogs! If they didn’t want their dog taken care of, they would save their money and neglect their dog. You’re saying people should pay us to neglect their dogs for them!”

Coworker: “Whatever. I’m going home.”

(After my coworker left I told my boss what had happened. She ended up talking to my coworker for over an hour, trying to explain why her logic was flawed. My coworker was fired a couple days later for being rude to a client. My boss ended up working with me on Christmas, which was extremely appreciated; plus she gave me a large Christmas bonus. At least my idiot coworker didn’t have to work Christmas!)

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The Wrong Kind Of Same-Day Service

| Mexico City, Mexico | Working | December 16, 2013

(My mother, sister and I go to a Churrascaria restaurant to celebrate a special occasion. These restaurants are basically buffets where waiters periodically come to your table to offer you different cuts of meat, which are skewered on a sword. We eat until we can’t fit any more food inside. We receive a couple of coupons with the cheque.)

Mom: “What are those for?”

Sister: “It’s 50 percent for a person’s entrance.”

Me: “Oh, that’s pretty cool. Let’s come again sometime, then. When do they expire?”

(We notice then that today is the very last day they are valid. My mom is confused and calls a waiter.)

Waiter: “Yes?”

Mom: “We got these coupons.”

Waiter: “Oh. Those are only valid after 6 pm.”

Mom: “Yes, I know. But, is this really the last day we can use them?”

Waiter: “Yes.”

Mom: “So… Why give us coupons that expire tomorrow?”

Waiter: “You can use them here again, today.”

(We’re all so full that the thought of more food makes us groan. We obviously don’t use the coupons. We also got a form to evaluate the experience. We honestly rated the food and service as really good. We also made sure to point out that they should stop giving coupons that only work the same day you already ate there!)

Heavyset Consumers

| Working | December 16, 2013


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