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We Wish You A Merry Saturnalia

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Right | December 16, 2013

(I worked in a local retail store while in high school and college. A week before Halloween, I notice a regular customer riding in one of our electric carts, staring at the Halloween costumes and props. She is there for some time. I decide to ask if she needs help.)

Customer: “St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle—”

(As a Catholic, I recognize she is praying.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Only if you can replace all this evil with Christmas stuff.”

Me: “Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. One more week!”

(The customer then goes into a rant about what Halloween means to Wiccans and pagans. Then she gives a thorough lesson in Tartarus and other mythologies. She invites me to help her host a Bible study for her good Christian neighbors, which is her alternative to dressing up and ‘worshipping demons.’ By this time, my manager thinks I’m just goofing around and is coming towards me to say something. The customer stands up, grabs my arm and raises it into the air while using her other arm to throw costumes, props, and wigs out into the aisle. My manager seems to understand what is happening. After getting her to stop protesting, he turns to me.)

Manager: “Thank you for not telling her about the origins of gift giving on Christmas.”

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Hard Core Herbivore

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | December 16, 2013

(It’s towards the end of the lunch rush. I am washing dishes in the back of our café. I overhear an exchange between a customer and a coworker.)

Customer: *very politely* “Could I have a vegetarian pastie, please?”

Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I’ve just sold the last one.”

Customer: “So, there’s no vegetarian pasties?”

Coworker: “No, I’m sorry. But maybe you’d like to try—”

Customer: “FINE! I GUESS I’LL JUST F****** STARVE THEN!” *storms out*

You Say Milk, I Say Epinephrine

| Portland, ME, USA | Right | December 16, 2013

(I work in a fairly well known coffee shop chain. A woman comes up to the bar to pick up her drink.)

Me: “[Name], your venti iced no whip mocha.”

Customer: “Excuse me! Does that have milk in it?”

Me: “The iced mocha?”

Customer: “Yes. That’s what I ordered: iced mocha coffee, no whip.”

Me: “Yes. It’s made with milk by default.”

Customer: “WELL, I DIDN’T WANT IT MADE WITH MILK! I AM HIGHLY ALLERGIC!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Let me remake that for you. So, you’d like iced coffee with mocha syrup and no whip?”

Customer: “Whatever. Fine. Yes. Mocha coffee iced with no whip.”

(I remake her drink rather quickly.)

Me: “Here you are. Sorry about that. Let me take that other one.”

Customer: “If it’s okay– I know you’re gonna dump it; I was hoping I could have it.”

Me: *confused* “Okay. That’s fine.”

Customer: *puts a straw in both* “Yum! These are both great! Thanks!”

Related:
You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine
You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

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If Only

| Right | December 16, 2013

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A Retail Employee

| Right | December 16, 2013

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