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Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No! It’s Batman!

| Norway | Related | December 17, 2013

(A classmate is driving me and another girl home. In the car with us is her four-year-old daughter, who saw a shooting star earlier in the evening.)

Daughter: “When we get home, we’re going back out to look for it and see if we can find it!”

Classmate: “I don’t think we will, darling.”

Daughter: “Why not, Mom?”

Classmate: “It probably burnt up.”

Daughter: “Why?”

Me: “Well, shooting stars are rocks from space that fall to the earth. And when they hit where our air is, they move so fast through the air that they catch fire. So they usually burn up before they hit the ground.”

Daughter: “No. I know what it was! I know what it was, Mom!”

Classmate: “What was it?”

Daughter: “It was a superhero!”

Classmate: “Really? Like… Na na na na na na na na—”

Entire Car: “Batman!”

(We laugh.)

Classmate: “That was perfect, but I think it says something about all of us when we knew how to finish the song.”

I Don’t Always Drink Milk

| Related | December 17, 2013


Cake Is Good For The Soul

| Umea, Sweden | Romantic | December 17, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are both trying to lose some weight. We are currently cuddling on top of the bed.)

Me: *nudging him* “What are you thinking about?”

Boyfriend: “Sex.”

Me: “…okay, then.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, I’m sorry. You were expecting something profound?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I was. You make something profound up right now!”

Boyfriend: “Okay, I was thinking about my inner soul.”

Me: “You have an outer soul, too?”

Boyfriend: “Yes. You see in heaven, when I was lined up by the soul-machine before being sent to earth, the guy in front of me bent down to tie his shoe lace. So, I got my nice hot looking soul inside, and then his fat-a** soul wrapped around me. And it’s telling me to eat cake!”


| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Romantic | December 17, 2013

(I’ve been seeing a friend. We go to university on different campuses six hours away from each other. He’s coming home for Christmas. We make plans to play ‘Magic: the Gathering,’ a game we both love. We are talking online and he mentions he has built a fancy new deck to play against mine, meaning I will be losing.)

Me: “If you let me win a few games, I’ll have sex with you.”

Friend: “Can I just concede straight away or do you want me to play it out?”

Me: “Think about how you want me in the bedroom. Do you want me to concede or play it out?”

Friend: “I look forward to an interesting night.”

Extra Cuddles Is No Sweat

| USA | Romantic | December 17, 2013

(My girlfriend has just gotten home from practice and hasn’t showered yet. I try to cuddle her but she pushes me away.)

Girlfriend: “Stop. I’m gross right now.”

Me: “So? I don’t mind.”

Girlfriend: “No, [My Name]…”

(I finally get up and start working on something else. Ten minutes later…)

Girlfriend: “Hey. Why am I not being cuddled?”

Me: “You told me no, babe.”

Girlfriend: “Oh… Well, never listen to me about that. Come cuddle!”

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