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I Used To Smile…

| Right | December 17, 2013

For-those-that-work-retail

Should Have Eaten An Apple A Day

| MI, USA | Working | December 17, 2013

(I’ve been sent to the ER due to severe chest pains. A resident doctor comes in to check up on me.)

Doctor: “So, what’s going on?”

Me: “I’ve been having this stabbing feeling in the center of my chest through my back. It hurts to breathe in and out. It’s worse when I stand up or lean forward.”

Doctor: “When did this start happening?”

Me: “The symptoms started around 7 am.”

Doctor: *chuckles* “So you come in four hours later? You liked the idea of dying from chest pains? Is that how it works?”

Me: “I… I was at work. I thought it might be indigestion. Once it got worse like this, I went straight to the urgent care next door to my building. They called an ambulance for me. I like to think I reacted appropriately based on how everything was progressing.”

Doctor: *rolls eyes* “Whatever. Let me check your lungs.”

(He moves some of the gown away from my back. He is about to put the stethoscope down, when he shouts.)

Doctor: “Urgh! What happened to your back? Did you decide this wasn’t an emergency too?!”

Me: “Wh.. what?! What are you talking about?”

Doctor: “These nasty splotches all over your back! This looks like leprosy! Oh, my God, it’s on your arms, too!”

Me: *fuming* “For your information, I have hyper-pigmentation all over my body. It does NOT look like leprosy! It’s been there since birth. It’s taken me a long time to become comfortable in my own skin. I’m disgusted that a doctor would act so unprofessional, especially when you didn’t ask me what it was first!”

Doctor: Well… I didn’t… Let’s just get this over with.”

Me: “You’ve made me feel both stupid and repulsive. I don’t want you touching me.”

(At this point, the chief of the emergency room has heard the commotion and comes in to investigate.)

Chief of the Emergency Room: *to the doctor* “Please step into the hallway and tell me what has happened.”

(They talk a few minutes. Then the chief of the emergency room asks me for my side of the story. The chief of the emergency room nods and calmly walks out into the hallway. He tells the resident to step into his office. About 15 minutes later, he comes back with a new resident. He states that I won’t have to deal with the first resident anymore, and nor will anyone else. Apparently the resident had insulted patients in the past. This had been his last chance!)

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The Cable Guy Ignores The Cable

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Working | December 17, 2013

(I call my ISP to report that tree branches brought down the cable TV/internet line from the pole on the street to my house. They send a tech with a ten-foot folding ladder.)

Me: “Why didn’t they send someone with one of those trucks with the lift arm? I was pretty specific in describing what the problem was.”

Cable Guy: “We assumed that it was probably a problem with your router. Have you tried rebooting it?”

Me: “No. I haven’t. I’m 100 percent certain that the problem has to do with the 40 feet of cable line lying in my front yard that used to be attached to the top of that pole up there.”

Cable Guy: “Well, I can’t fix that. You should have reported this when you called [ISP].”

Me: “I did. What does your paperwork say?”

Cable Guy: *looking at laptop in van* “It says that the cable from the street to the house was detached due to falling branches. But like I said, we thought it was your router…”

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Should Be Baking Humbugs Instead

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Working | December 17, 2013

(A bakery/deli sends out an email with coupons every December. One of these is a coupon for a free platter of their specialty Christmas cookies when you use their catering services during the holidays. I overhear a customer ordering a few platters and catering for a party. I decide to give her my coupon.)

Me: “Hi there. I don’t mean to listen in, but I heard you asking about party platters. I have this coupon that gets you free cookies when you cater a party. If you’d like it; I’m certainly not going to use it.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you! Thanks so very much. This is so nice!”

Deli Worker: “WOAH! That’s not allowed!”

Customer: “Wait… What’s not allowed?”

Deli Worker: “THAT! Don’t give me that dumb look!”

(The customer and I exchange a ‘dumb look.’)

Deli Worker: “Only members get to use those coupons! She’s not a member.”

Me: “I didn’t even know you guys had a membership. I don’t belong to any group. Why is it a problem if she uses my coupon?”

Deli Worker: “Then how did you get that? COME ON! You guys don’t realize how hard it is to make these cookies! And you just want to GIVE AWAY FREE ONES?! You have no idea! Why do I even deal with this every year?”

(The deli worker swipes the sandwiches he was making for the customer off of the counter and storms into the back. After a few moments, we realize that he’s not coming back.)

Me: “Uh… Listen. I didn’t mean to mess this up. I feel awful.”

Customer: “No. It’s alright. I have a feeling I shouldn’t trust these guys with my order anyway…”

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Cooking Up A Promotion

| CA, USA | Working | December 17, 2013

(I’ve just turned 18. I am working at a restaurant owned by one of the instructors at the culinary school I attended. I’ve just graduated. I am usually very even tempered. Due to my work ethic and ability I’ve been put in charge of training interns from the school. The latest intern in my class is in his 30s. We’ve just been hit with a huge lunch rush. It’s just him, the owner, and me. I’m on grill with over 30 orders; he’s on pantry with 4.)

Me: “Hey. Your order’s a little wrong. That sandwich doesn’t come with pickles or onions, and it says blue cheese, not ranch. They’re labeled.”

Intern: “Man, why don’t you back the h*** off! All you guys been doin’ is bossin’ me around and ordering like I’m some kind of slave! I’m workin’ hard compared to your lazy a**!”

Me: “You know what? I’ve had enough of your d*** complaining! I’m swamped over here with orders. You can’t manage to make a simple turkey sandwich without screwing it up. I know you’re older than me. We were at the same level in school. Here, I’m your supervisor. My coworkers and I have been doing our best to train you for when you enter the field. Every time one of us says ANYTHING to you, you get defensive and berate us for no reason. Frankly, if it were up to me, you’d have failed your internship here. I don’t have the time nor patience for your s*** today. So, shut your d*** mouth and focus on the work we’ve given you!”

Intern: *silently gets back to work*

(I realized that I just lost it and cursed in front of the owner. He has been taking orders this whole time and silently listening to us. I turned to him slowly and wide eyed. He gives me a grin and thumbs up. Just over two years later I’m now catering and banquet supervisor, and kitchen manager when the boss isn’t in!)

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