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A 5.8 On The Hoppen Scale

| OH, USA | Romantic | December 19, 2013

(My husband is re-entering the bedroom just after I’d turned out the lights. He stops in the doorway.)

Husband: “It’s dark! I can’t find the bed.”

Me: “It’s in the same place it was a few minutes ago. The same place it’s always been.”

Husband: *pausing, sleepy* “Are you sure there wasn’t an earthquake… or an interior decorator?”

Just Picky

| Romantic | December 19, 2013

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There Is Norway They Celebrate Christmas

| Mobile, AL, USA | Learning | December 19, 2013

(We have a foreign exchange student from Norway, who is discussing going home for the holidays.)

Foreign Classmate: “Yes. I think I’m going home, if I have the money for it.”

Other Classmate: “What? You can’t do that! You’ll miss Christmas!”

Foreign Classmate: “What?”

Other Classmate: “Yes! You can’t go back to Norway without celebrating Christmas!”

Foreign Classmate: “I will celebrate it. With my family. In Norway.”

Other Classmate: *awed* “You celebrate Christmas in Norway? I thought only the Americans did that!”

Pardon His French

| Mobile, AL, USA | Learning | December 19, 2013

(There is a classmate in my British literature class who hates everyone. Every week, before the professor arrives, he rants about how horrible various ethnic groups (Germans, LGBT, Latin Americans, etc.) are. Normally, we just roll our eyes and ignore him. Today, [Classmate #2], who sits beside him, has evidently had enough.)

Classmate #1: “God, I hate the French. They are the most pompous a**-holes!”

Classmate #2: “Really? Because the most pompous person I’ve ever seen is you!”

Classmate #1: “What? The French are a bunch of cowards! You’re an American! You have to hate the French!”

Classmate #2: “Yeah? Well, you must’ve failed your last history test. As [Professor] told us, the French were pretty bad-a** during World War II.”

Classmate #1: “But—”

(The professor, who none of us notice until he clears his throat, stands in the doorway.)

Professor: “[Classmate #1], there’s also the fact that your professor is, indeed, French. I expect you to write me an essay on the importance of France-US relations, no less than 3,000 words and due in two days. Perhaps [Classmate #2] can help you with that.”

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Moth-Eaten Meanings

| Germany | Learning | December 19, 2013

(We’re discussing a poem and the symbolism in it.)

Student: “Everything means something? Even the butterflies?”

Teacher: “Especially the butterflies.”

Student: “But butterflies don’t do anything. They just fly around… and poop!”

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