Boyfriend: “Awesome side note. Halloween costume idea for a couple: Princess Bride. As Westley and Buttercup.”
Me: “That is brilliant, and you need to have sex with me right now.”
Boyfriend: “As you wish.”
(I work at a grocery store. I have just finished ringing up a customer who bought a few food items and some plants.)
Me: “Okay. That will be [amount].”
Customer: “Do you think I should get paper or plastic for my plant?”
Me: “Either one will work, ma’am. Which one would you prefer?”
Customer: “You’re just a sourpuss. Aren’t you?”
Me: “I’m sorry. What are you saying?”
Customer: “You’re such a sourpuss. I just asked you a simple question. You’re being so rude to me!”
(The customer grunts and walks over to the customer service desk. I overhear her talking to my manager.)
Customer: “That girl over there is a SOURPUSS! A SOURPUSS, I TELL YOU!”
(The manager comes back and delivers the items to the customer. She walks out the door with a sneer on her face.)
Customer: *screaming as she leaves* “SOURPUSS!”
(It is late at night, in the middle of summer. I’m working at the first window, taking orders as well as working the register. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; thankfully the driver is sober.)
Me: “Good evening. Your total is $[total].”
Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”
(The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment before handing me a wad of bills.)
Me: “Alright. Here’s your change and your recei—”
(I turn to hand him his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)
Customer: “D’you want a crab?”
Me: “Er… no thanks.”
Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”
(The customer tries to hand me the crab anyways.)
Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take… tips?”
Customer: “Aww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”
Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”
(My colleagues and I were all left wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)
Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories of Returnaholics! In this week’s roundup, we take a look at those customers who try and return anything and everything!
PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I work at a daycare run by an organization that originates from India. Most of my coworkers are international. I am in the office when the phone rings.)
Me: “[Daycare], this is [Name].”
Caller: “Hello, namaskar! Is [Boss’s Name] there?”
Me: “She’s not here right now. Can I give her a message?”
Caller: “Please have her call me back.”
(I write down the message. Later, my boss returns…)
Me: “[Boss’s name], Namaskar called for you.”
(My boss starts laughing, and at first I don’t know why.)
Boss: “‘Namaskar’ is a greeting!”
