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Just Good Customer Service

| Right | December 19, 2013

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Their Mortgage Is On The House

| ON, Canada | Working | December 19, 2013

(Canada Post has a business software glitch which messes up our postcode in our town. It assigns us to the identical house number and street name in the next town along the Highway. I visit a mortgage office branch 300 yards from my house.)

Me: “I would like to enquire about the balance on my mortgage. I am thinking about paying it off.”

Employee: “Certainly. Could I have your address please?”

Me: “Sure, it is [address].”

Employee: “Okay, you live at [address] in [Next Town]?”

Me: “No. We live at [address] in [This Town].”

Employee: “No. The computer says that you live in [Next Town].”

Me: “No. We live just down the street in [This Town].”

Employee: “But the computer says—”

Me: “Look. If, as you say, we don’t live at [address] in [This Town], can we stop sending you our mortgage payments for that house?”

Employee: “Erm…”

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Coughing Up The Truth

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Working | December 19, 2013

(A representative at the mall is taking customer surveys.)

Representative: “Hi there! Do you mind if I ask you some questions about cough suppressants?”

Me: “Not at all.”

(We go through the relatively quick survey.)

Representative: “Thank you for your responses. Would you like a sample of our product?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Representative: “It won’t cost you anything.”

Me: “I don’t have a cough right now.”

Representative: “That’s okay!”

Me: “I am not in the habit of taking medication for something I don’t have.”

Representative: “It’s really like a piece of candy!”

Me: “Then why are you promoting it as a cough suppressant?”

Representative: “Uh…”

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Driving Home Good Music

| Bridgetown, ME, USA | Working | December 19, 2013

(I’ve been pulled over, which I’m no stranger to, as I have a lead foot. However, this time I’m not speeding.)

Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over tonight, miss?”

Me: “No. I’m sorry; I don’t.”

Officer: “Well, your music was very loud when you drove past me. It’s loud enough that it shook my windows.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I’ll keep it down low. I didn’t realize how loud it was.”

Officer: “I’m going to have to give you a written warning— Hey, I like this song. What is it?”

Me: “It’s [Song] by [Artist].”

Officer: “You know what? You have good taste in music. Forget the written warning. Have a great night, miss.”

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The Proof Is In The Pudding

| Clinton Township, MI, USA | Working | December 19, 2013

(The cashier is ringing up my items. She peers over the register at me and smiles.)

Cashier: “Sorry, I’ll try to move a bit faster. I know it must be torture waiting, especially for you!”

Me: “Me? Haha. I’m in no rush.”

Cashier: “I just know if I was pregnant, I wouldn’t want to wait for some pokey cashier!”

Me: “Oh… ah…”

Cashier: “Pregnancy can especially hurt your feet. I don’t know how you’re wearing those heels! When are you due?”

Me: “I’m… I’m not pregnant.”

Cashier: “Yes, you are! You’re skinny but you have a little bump there. You can’t hide it from me!”

Me: “I think that’s just my stomach distending the way stomachs do. I’m not pregnant.”

Cashier: “Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry. Not saying you look fat, but… look at the food you were buying!”

Me: “I have Motrin and pudding.”

Cashier: “Exactly! With the tiny bulge and the pudding?!”

Me: “You thought I was pregnant because I bought pudding?”

(There’s an awkward silence as we both try to figure out how to move past this.)

Cashier: “So… What are the plans for this evening?”

Me: “I’m going to head to the gym. Haha. Maybe I’ll treat myself to a pudding cup afterward as a reward, eh?”

Cashier: “The gym? You shouldn’t in your condition!”

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