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The Odds Would Not Be In Her Favor

| Norfolk, England, UK | Romantic | December 20, 2013

(Both my girlfriend and I are bisexual. We very frequently form crushes on people we know, including currently two of our friends who are in a couple together.)

Me: “[Friend #1] was complaining today about how [Friend #2] apparently won’t ever allow them to have a threesome.”

Girlfriend: “Do you think it would’ve been okay for me to yell ‘I volunteer as tribute!’?”

A Historic First Kiss

| Provo, UT, USA | Romantic | December 20, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the hood of his car, talking. We’re both very interested in history.)

Boyfriend: “Do you know why the Japanese didn’t win World War II?”

Me: “No. Why?”

(Suddenly, he leans over and kisses me for the first time. I’m quiet for a minute.)

Me: “What was that?!”

Boyfriend: “Well, I knew I had to distract you, or we’d both chicken out.”

Learning Is A Nickel-And-Dime Process

| KS, USA | Learning | December 20, 2013

(I am in fifth grade. We’re playing a game in class. We have come up to this question.)

Teacher: “You have two coins equaling thirty cents. One is not a nickel; what coins are being used?”

(Both teams debate this for awhile while I’m sitting there telling my team that it’s a quarter and a nickel.)

Student #1: “Three dimes!”

Teacher: “No. There’s only two coins.”

Student #2: “Two quarters?”

Teacher: “That would equal fifty cents.”

Student #3: “This is impossible! There’s no answer.”

Me: “A quarter and a nickel.”

*no one hears me*

Student #4: “A twenty cent piece and a dime?”

Teacher: “No. We don’t use twenty cent pieces.”

Me: *loudly* “For crying out loud! It’s a quarter and a nickel!”

Student #1: “No, it isn’t! She said one isn’t a nickel!”

Me: “Exactly. ONE isn’t a nickel. There are TWO coins, and one of them IS a nickel!”

Teacher: “She’s right. One point.”

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Stupidity Will Be The Death Of You

| USA | Learning | December 20, 2013

(I am in English class. We are reading a very famous and, what I assumed, very obvious play.)

Teacher: “Looking at that monologue and what we’ve read in this section, what are some indications of foreshadowing that Willy is going to kill himself?”

Student: “OH, MY GOD! HE DIES?!”

Teacher: “… the play is called Death of a Salesman.”

You Better Think Fast, I’m Telling You Why

| Omaha, NE, USA | Learning | December 20, 2013

(I’m a third grade teacher.)

Student: “Miss, do you think Santa Claus is real?

Me: “I don’t know, honey. What do you think?”

Student: “I asked you to think first!”

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