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Let’s Hope It’s Canine Benign

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | December 20, 2013

(The owner of the pet store I work at calls me into his office to listen to a recorded call.)

Owner: “Are my employees idiotic?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

(The owner presses a button on computer and a recording starts.)

Coworker: “Its a wonderful day at [Pet Store]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My dog has cancer. Do you guys recommend any special type of food?”

Coworker: “OH MY GOD! WE HAVE THE CUTEST DOGS!”

Customer: “My dog has cancer, you f***** a**-hole.”

Coworker: “…oh.”

(The owner stops the recording and looks at me.)

Me: “That wasn’t me. I don’t even answer phones! I stay locked up in the kennel, away from humans!”

Owner: “I know. You hear all the gossip they sprout when they’re back there. Are my floor people idiotic?”

Me: “… yes.”

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This Is Making Her Very Cross

| NY, USA | Related | December 20, 2013

(It’s about 7 am, a few weeks before Christmas. My sister, who normally doesn’t wake up until 9 am, has been called into her retail job early. She’s still a little tired and very annoyed.)

Sister: “I hate Christmas so much. I want to shoot whoever invented the idea.”

Dad: “Well, they crucified him…”

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