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Two Extra Lives

| Romantic | December 21, 2013

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Saigon And Farewell To A Good Grade

| Seattle, WA, USA | Learning | December 21, 2013

(My tenth-grade history class is currently learning about the Vietnam War. Today’s focus is on the bombing of Cambodia.)

Teacher: “It was like science fiction. People in the US couldn’t believe it was happening!”

(We proceed to watch a short film filled with archival footage, as well as have a fifteen-minute discussion. At the end, my teacher asks if there are any questions. The girl in front of me raises her hand.)

Student: “So, did this, like, actually happen?”

Needs To Be Schooled On How To Use A Phone

| Learning | December 21, 2013

That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket, Part 2

| UK | Right | December 20, 2013

(I am a customer. I witness an argument at one of the tills over a false label on an expensive cricket set. It appears as though the label has been attached by the customer. It is obviously written in green felt tip and not real.)

Customer: “Why won’t you give me the discount?”

Employee: “Because this is obviously a fake label.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(The employee fetches a manager.)

Manager: “Sir, we are not going to sell you a set that costs £189.99 for only £15. This is obviously not a real label.”

(The customer takes a bat out of the pack and raises it in a threatening motion.)

Customer: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE OR I’LL BREAK YOUR SKULLS!”

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random customer who is just walking past grabs the bat. He moves it round the unruly customer’s shoulder, flooring the bad customer and disarming him in one motion. The random customer goes right up to his face.)

Random Customer: “Buddy, you ain’t gonna get s*** unless you calm down and learn to be an honest man instead of a p***k. F*** off.”

(The unruly customer gets up and runs off, only to be grabbed by security and arrested a few minutes later. The good customer was given a £100 gift card and was even offered a job as a security guard! He declined, saying it was his duty to be a good citizen. I found out he was an ex-colonel in the British army and had been in tougher situations than that.)

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That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

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Powerless To Help

| Wooster, OH, USA | Right | December 20, 2013

(There is a horrible ice storm that knocks out the power to almost the entire city. I am passing a room when a customer in only a towel opens her door and catches me.)

Customer: “I don’t have power.”

Me: “I know, ma’am. The power is down.”

Customer: “When will it be up?”

Me: “I… don’t know? Whenever the power company can get it back up?”

(The customer huffs at me and goes back in her room. A few minutes later, I am coming out of the laundry room again. The same customer stops me, still in just her towel.)

Customer: “I need to dry my hair.”

Me: “I can get you more towels.”

Customer: *holds up her hair dryer* “I need this.”

Me: “As I told you, ma’am, there’s no power.”

Customer: “Well, can I take it up to the front desk?”

Me: “…ma’am?”

Customer: “They have plugs, don’t they?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but they have no power. The power is out all over the city.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer closes the door, and opens it again immediately.)

Customer: “What about the bank?!”

Me: “The bank…?”

Customer: “The one across the street! They have power!”

(I go to the window and look out. The bank and the entire strip it’s part of are dark.)

Me: “They don’t have power, ma’am.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! I just need a f****** plug to plug my hair dryer in! Why can’t you just—”

(A hand falls on her shoulder from in the room and she’s pulled back inside. Her husband sticks his head out and mouths ‘sorry’ at me before shutting the door.)

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