(I’m waiting for my food at a popular restaurant that calls your order number, and then puts your food up on a counter so you can grab it.)

Cook: “Order number [X].”

(I’m walking, up when a customer runs up and grabs at the food.)

Customer: “What is this? This isn’t what I ordered!”

(The customer starts taking the sandwich apart.)

Customer: “I didn’t order this! What’s this?”

(The customer starts picking parts of the salad out with her fingers.)

Customer: “I ordered a roast beef and soup!”

Cook: “Were you order number [X]?”

Customer: “No. My order number is [Y].”

Cook: “Then that’s not your food. That belongs to someone else.”

Customer: “Well you should have said something!”

(The customer stomps off. I look at my ripped apart sandwich that someone has just been grabbing.)

Me: “I’m order number [X]. Sorry, I tried to speak up.”

Cook: “Don’t worry; I’ll remake that for you. You wouldn’t believe how often this happens.”

(I’m still a fairly new supervisor, and plenty of officers offer “suggestions” – some helpful, some not.)

Me: “Yeah, I got this big Mag-Lite, since I was told there are occasionally feral raccoons and cats around that particular site.”

Officer: “Why would you need that? You mean you actually walk around there at night?”

Me: “Well… yeah. It’s part of my job to run through there on third shift, after all.”

Officer: “Why don’t you just badge in, then sit in the lunchroom or the office and pretend you did the walk-through? That’s what the other supervisors do! It makes more sense; there’s only one other reader in the building you’d have to badge on. Just hit that one, since it is right near the entry anyway, and then pretend you did the rest of the walk-through.”

Customer: *walks in*

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Excuse me, but can I see the manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry; our manager’s not in at the moment. I’m a supervisor, and I’m by myself at the moment. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “Yes, well, I came in and ordered a sub yesterday and the girl who served me was so bloody rude! She ignored me when I walked in; she was grumbling and sighing as she was making my sub. She just slapped it together, and it just looked like a dog’s breakfast. Then I got to the till, and the lady who served me there was so condescending towards me. She was just as rude to me.”

Me: “Okay, well, did you spot their name badge?”

Customer: “The person who made my sub was [name], and the lady who served me was [name]. Can you report those two to the manager for me? ”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that was the manager who served you.”

Customer: “Oh, well then, can you report her to the owners then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the person who put your sub through the register is the owner.”

Customer: “Good heavens! You have my sympathy!”

(I work at a large call center for a major credit card company. About once a month, our managers sit with us and listen in on calls to help improve customer service.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “…All right. Well, do you have your account number, so I can assist you today?”

Caller: “I don’t carry that with me.”

Me: “Well, then, how can I help today?”

Caller: “I don’t know. You called me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t call you.”

Caller: “Yes, you did. How else would I be talking to you?”

Me: “Ma’am, did you dial our number?”

Caller: “Well, yeah.”

Me: “So technically you called us.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Caller: “I guess you can’t.”

(The caller hangs up, and I look at my manager.)

Me: “Did that really happen?”

Manager: “I have no words.”

(I’m working behind the register counter that has glass display cases of knives, wallets, etc. Some are engraved with CSA—Confederate States of America, and USA—for the Union.)

Customer: *running up to the counter* “Oooh! Knives! Wait, what does ‘CSA’ mean?”

Me: “It stands for ‘Confederate States of America.’ Did you want to have a look?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to buy. But, the Confederate states are the North, right?!”

Me: “No, not at all… ”

Customer: “Oh, oh well. But you know what’s strange? All these battles happened in national parks!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I guess that just made it easier to hide behind the monuments!”

Me: “I have to get back to work; have a nice day.”

(I get back to folding and stocking while the customer walks out with the smuggest look on their face, like they just gave me a history lesson.)

This story is part of the National Parks-themed roundup!

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