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Not On His Best Bee-Hive-iour

| FL, USA | Related | September 22, 2013

(My dad is visiting from California, and we’ve gone to a well-known coffee shop to chat. Dad absolutely hates waiting in lines, so he finds us a table while I order each of us a large coffee and a danish.)

Dad: “What’s that?”

Me: “What does it look like? It’s a danish.”

Dad: “What’s on it?”

Me: *taking a bite* “Cherries and honey and icing.”

Dad: “Honey? Blecchh!”

Me: “Since when don’t you like honey?”

Dad: “Since I found out what it really is!”

Me: “Yeah?”


(Everyone in the shop turns and stares at us.)

Me: “Y’know, I just remembered why I didn’t want to move to California with you.”

Like Mother, Not Like Daughter

| FL, USA | Romantic | September 22, 2013

Husband: *talking about our 18 month old daughter* “She helps me take off my boots, socks, and then puts the socks in the hamper!”

Me: “…she makes a better wife than I do.”

Husband: “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…”

Totally A-Dory-ble

| Wichita, KS, USA | Romantic | September 22, 2013

(My long-distance fiancé and I are wrapping up a video chat.)

Fiancé: “Goodnight. I love you, and I will marry you. And you will be mine.”

Me: “And you will be my Squishy!”

Fiancé: *not missing a beat* “And if you call me that, I will tickle you until you pee.”

This Class Has Its Ups And Downs

| BC, Canada | Learning | September 22, 2013

(I’m taking flying lessons at a local flying school. Class has just started, and our flight instructor is lecturing us on the theory portion.)

Instructor: “Flying is really easy once you get the hang of it. It’s a lot like driving a car.”

(Much later, it is time to start actually flying. My turn comes up, and we’re just about ready to move. We’re still on the ground, but we need to move on to the runway.)

Instructor: “Alright [My Name], start steering to the right.”

(I’m a little nervous about flying for the first time, so I start steering the handle in front of me, which does not do anything at all. Although it looks like a steering wheel, it’s actually for controlling the ailerons.)

Instructor: “What are you doing that for? It’s not like driving a car, you know!”

A Price Peddler

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Right | September 21, 2013

(I put a lot of newly built bikes up on the racks. A customer comes in wanting to look at one of the new bikes.)

Customer: “Can you pull that bike down? My son would like to try it.”

Me: *pulls bike down* “Here you go.”

(The customer’s son then rides the bike around the bike section for a minute and is pleased with it.)

Customer: “How much is this bike?”

Me: “It’s $79.99 in a box, or $89.99 assembled.”

Customer: “Why is it more when it’s already together?”

Me: “Well we have bike builders who put the bikes together. But we do have this bike in a box, so you can buy it in a box and then put it together.”

Customer: “I think I should get a discount on this bike since it’s all dirty.”

(The customer is talking about the tires since the bike has been ridden on the store floor, which has some dust on it.)

Me: “Your child was the first person to ride this bike since it was built; we can wipe off the tires so that the dirt is off.”

Customer: “No, it’s been used; look at it! I shouldn’t have to pay full price for a used item.”

Me: “The bike builders just built this exact bike not too long ago, and I know for a fact that your son is the only one to ride this bike.”

Customer: “So, you admit that it was used!”

Me: “Only by your child.”

Customer: “That’s why I should get a discount; it’s used! I want to see your manager!”

(I call my manager who comes back to listen to the issue. My manager backs me up. The customer does eventually buy the bike, already put together, paying the additional $10.)

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