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The Zombie Family

| Related | September 23, 2013


You Are My Sunshine, My Distant Sunshine

| NY, USA | Romantic | September 23, 2013

(My boyfriend and I met and started dating in the very short two weeks he was home right before deployment to Afghanistan. Because of this, we are still getting to know each other, almost two months later. We are on video chat, having a conversation on global warming.)

Boyfriend: “Well, the rich people will all go into space and still survive despite the earth failing them.”

Me: “You know, there is not enough energy to sustain that. Maybe solar energy?”

Boyfriend: “What if they float off into space? Solar won’t work if they are too far from the sun.”

Me: “No, not if the technology is invented that can concentrate the energy from other stars over great distances!”

(The conversation continues in this manner until we have to log off. A few minutes later I see he has updated his Facebook status.)

Boyfriend’s Status: “You know your girlfriend is awesome when she can keep up a conversation on black-holes, supernovas, and micro-magnification of solar energy from distant suns.”

(He’s a keeper.)

Pick The Chivalrous Side

| USA | Romantic | September 23, 2013

(A male friend of mine has invited me out. We are both 15, so his parents have to drive us. I walk to one side of the car, and he follows me. I think maybe he usually sits on that side, and so I walk to the other side of the car. He follows me again, and so I go back to the original side, and he follows yet again.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Friend: “I’m trying to open the door for you!”

(I blame past experience for assuming chivalry is dead!)

The Hard Truth

| Mesquite, NV, USA | Romantic | September 23, 2013

(My wife and I are watching an obstacle-course game show. Several of the contestants say they need to use the bathroom, and one suggests just going in the water.)

Me: “Going in the water is hard. I remember trying as a kid in a lake, and I really had to push hard to pee.”

Wife: “I imagine it’s easier for girls. We don’t have to get a hard-on to go to the bathroom.”

Me: “Do you think I need an erection to pee?”

Wife: “Don’t you?”

Dating A Hick

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Romantic | September 23, 2013

(My girlfriend loves it when I pay attention to her neck, but it’s coming into summer and she’s asked that I refrain from giving her hickeys so she doesn’t have to cover them for work. As it’s my birthday, and I like to give them, she tells me I’m allowed to leave one on her neck that must fade within a week. However, we end up having a very passionate morning and it leads to this exchange when we’re in the bathroom later.)

Girlfriend: *checking neck in the mirror* “You know how I said you could leave one hickey?”

Me: “Of course.”

Girlfriend: “Then why do I have several on each side of my neck? As in, I have a plural amount!”

Me: “Because you kept grabbing my head and trying to suffocate me with your neck.”

Girlfriend: “That doesn’t mean you had to leave a hickey there!”

Me: “Well if you just want one, hold still. I’ll connect the dots.”

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