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Left A Stool In The Stall

| Woodbridge, VA, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I work in the changing room of a popular teen clothing-store.)

Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

Me: “Oh, our bathroom is in the back. We can’t let you go back there. If you go out the store, and turn left, there is a restroom over by [sub shop].”

Customer: “Can’t I just use it this once? Please?”

Me: “No, I’m very sorry. But that restroom near [sub place] is really only a three-minute-walk from here.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just use yours! I really need to go!”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have merchandise back there; I can’t let you use it.”

Customer: “B****!”

(She storms out of the store. I go on break for half an hour. When I come back, there is a horrific smell coming from the changing rooms. I go back there, and I see the customer standing outside one of our back stalls.)

Customer: “Serves you right!”

(She runs out of the store as I turn to look into the stall. She’d grabbed a bunch of clothes, thrown them on the floor, and urinated and defecated on them.)

Me: “I’m not cleaning that up.”

Coworker: “Teen girls be crazy!”

Getting In A Puff About The Pastry

| Bethesda, Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “That’s an almond croissant.”

Customer: “What about that one?”

Me: “A chocolate croissant.”

Customer: “And that one?”

Me: “Plain croissant.”

Customer: “Nah. What’s that?”

Me: “Pain au chocolat.”

Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?”

Me: “It’s a pastry with chocolate in it.”

Customer: “So, it’s like nutty, yeah?”

Me: “Well, we can’t guarantee it’s nut free, but the pastry just contains a roll of chocolate paste.”

Customer: “So what does ‘pain’ mean?”

Me: “It’s the French word for ‘bread’.”

Customer: “Oooh! Posh! So what’s ‘chocolat’ mean, peanuts?”

Me: “Nope, ‘chocolat’ is French for ‘chocolate’.”

Customer: “I don’t like France; too artsy-fartsy. I’ll just have one of them chocolate croissants, then.”

The Signature Of Inebriation

| Sea Isle City, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a late-night restaurant that caters to the people who come for food when the surrounding bars close for the night. A customer comes in who has drunk a little too much.)

Customer: “Do you accept credit cards?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

(I swipe the credit card, and it is approved.)

Me: “Now, if you could just sign here, you’re all set.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to sign?”

Me: “The cardholder’s name.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She then proceeds to draw a picture of a naked lady—complete with large boobs—where her signature should be.)

Me: “Uh” ma’am, I don’t think this is a valid signature.”

Customer: “Just try it; it’ll work!”

(I put it through, and the machine accepts the signature!)

Me: “Wow, I guess you’re right!”

Customer: “I need to stop drinking so much!”

(She leaves me a $15 tip on a $25 bill! That is why I love working the late-night shift!)