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The Gifts Of The Gab

| Rescue, CA, USA | Related | December 22, 2013

(My friend and I are visiting my parents. My mother has never been good at keeping secrets. It is near Christmas time 2007. My birthday is less than a month after Christmas. I am standing by my parents’ wrapped gifts to me, looking over a particularly large one. My mother whispers to my friend, but loudly enough for me to hear.)

Mother: “It’s a TV.”

Me: “Oh, real smooth, mom! What else did you get me, a Playstation 3?”

Mother: *smugly* “No, I got that for your birthday.”

Me: “Oh, Mom…”

A Little Soft-White Lie

| Sydney, Australia | Related | December 22, 2013

(As a child, my father always tells me things, which as a child I believe without question. The ice-cream truck comes around every day during Christmas holidays, playing his music—it’s summer here during Christmas.)

Me: “Can I please get an ice-cream?”

Dad: “No, if the ice-cream truck is playing music, it means he is out of ice-cream.”

Me: “Okay, dad.”

(For years, I believe him. All of my aunties and uncles think I just don’t like ice-cream, because when I visit them, and the ice-cream truck comes around playing his music, I never ask for one! I now use this on my friend’s kids; payback is so sweet!)

The Breast Medicine, Part 4

| Beaverton, OR, USA | Romantic | December 22, 2013

(I am staying at my boyfriend’s apartment. A few hours after waking up, my boyfriend said he had a headache. We lie on the couch, him resting his head on my chest and we both end up falling asleep. It’s been a few hours. We both wake up.)

Me: “Oh my gosh, babe. What time is it?”

(I look at the clock and see that we have been asleep for roughly three and a half hours.)

Me: “I guess I fell asleep, too. How are you feeling?”

Boyfriend: “My headache is gone.” *he squeezes my left breast* “Bee boop!”

Me: “What was that for?”

Boyfriend: “Your boobs are magic. They fixed my headache!”

Me: “Oh, are they?”

Boyfriend: “Yes! Beep boop beep!” *he squeezes my right breast*

Me: “What in the world are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “I wish your boobs made sound effects. That would be so cool.”

Me: “Honey, maybe you should get some more rest.”

Boyfriend: “Only if I can sleep on your ‘bee boops.'”

Me: “My boobs?”

Boyfriend: “No. They are your ‘bee boops’ now.”

(My boyfriend lays his head back on my chest and falls asleep. Now, whenever he sees me, he always smirks and says “bee boop.” It always makes me laugh!)

To Be Beside The Seedy Side

| Tasmania, Australia | Romantic | December 22, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on a pier looking into the water. I see what I think is a weedy sea dragon, which is a type of seahorse. I can sometimes be a bit dyslexic with my words.)

Boyfriend: “Look, a fish!”

Me: “No, that’s a seedy wee dragon.”

(My boyfriend just looks at me.)

Me: “… I did not mean to say that.”

When In Rome, Be American

| Naples, Italy | Learning | December 22, 2013

(I am a Canadian. I am on a high school trip to Italy. We are combined with another group from America. We have stopped in a small cafe outside of Naples.)

American Teacher: “Excuse me! Excuse me?! Can I get water? WA-TER! GOD, it’s like they don’t speak the language!”

Me: “Mi scusi? Acqua per favore.”

(The American teacher looks at me, shocked, as a pitcher of water is brought over.)

American Teacher: “How did you do that?”

Me: “Easy. I tried to learn some Italian before coming to Italy.”

(The American teacher tried to get me in trouble with my teacher for talking back to her. Thankfully, he ignored her.)

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