(My coworker is the bossy, jealous type. We’re having an office party, and we’re allowed to bring a guest. My coworker has brought her husband, a fat old bald man. I’m by myself.)

Coworker: *proudly* “[My name], I’d like to introduce you to my husband.”

Me: “Oh hi.” *smiles politely*

(After a while, I ignore them both, continuing eating the food when my coworker sidles up to me.)

Coworker: “Don’t you think you were a little too friendly?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Coworker: *imitating me* “‘Oh hi!’ with a flirty smile like that! Sorry, but my husband is all mine. So just back off!”

Me: “That’s fine. Bald, old and fat aren’t my type!”

Coworker: *punches me hard on the arm* “How dare you! My husband is RICH, and takes care of me! More than you can say!”

Me: “So that’s why you’re working in an office?”

(I leave while my coworker sputters incoherently behind me. She continues to accuse me of having a thing for her husband until I got sick of it and found another job elsewhere.)

(I’m working the closing shift in the lumber yard, when a customer comes in just before closing with a receipt for a special order, and rushes up to one of my coworkers. It should be noted that we have two different kinds of receipts, one for orders that have been paid for but aren’t ready to be picked up, and one for orders that are ready to pick up.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, you’ve been spending a lot of time with that customer. Do you need help getting them what they need so we can finish closing?”

Coworker: *shows me receipt for special order* “This is one that says they’ve paid for it, but can’t pick it up yet. I don’t know what’s happening; I’m trying to find this guy’s special order.”

Me: “You can’t load it anyway; it hasn’t been invoiced out. Did you tell him he needs to head inside, and get a different receipt?”

Coworker: “Yeah, he said he just came from there, and they just printed him this receipt. I’m calling inside the store to figure it out.”

Me: *to the customer* “Sir, when did you place this order?”

Customer: “Just now! That guy at checkout just printed that receipt. I don’t understand why you can’t load it!”

Me: “Sir, you’ve just placed a special order. That’s because we don’t carry the product normally; it has to be shipped here from the manufacturer. We can’t load it because we don’t have it.”

Customer: “Oh… that actually makes sense, sorry.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] technical support. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I’m trying to send a report to [company], but when I try I’m getting this message about my account being expired. Hang on; let me read it to you. ‘Your account is expired. Please contact the sales department to renew.’ Is this something you can help me with, or do I need to call sales?”

Me: *facepalm*

(I do coffee machine demos. I’m in sales, not service. I have just come from doing a 12-hour shift before Christmas in an electronics store, where customers were rude and unpleasant, never mind ungrateful for the free coffee. I decide to pick up a burger at a drive-thru on my way home.)

Fast Food Worker: “Hi, welcome to [fast-food place]. Can I take your order?”

Me: “Yes, please. May I have [order]? Thanks.”

Fast Food Worker: “Sure. That’ll be [price].”

Me: “Thank you very much.”

(I pull up to the window, pay, and receive my order.)

Me: “Thank you so much.”

Fast Food Worker: “So, you do work in customer service?”

Me: “Yeah, how can you tell?”

Fast Food Worker: “Only someone dealing with rude people all day says please and thank you as much as you!”

This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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(I’m about to ring a customer up. I’m supposed to ask if they have our rewards card, and if they say no, I offer them to sign up for it, as it’s free of charge and relatively quick to do.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am. Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “No. What’s the benefit of it?”

Me: “The rewards card allows you to get the sale prices of whatever’s on sale for the week, and with certain sale items and over the counter medications. You build up rewards points, which you can use to save money later on.”

Customer: “Okay. Do I need anything for it?”

Me: “All we need is some basic info, just for identification purposes. Would you like to sign up? It’s free of charge.”

Customer: *says nothing, fumbles around her purse*

Me: “Ma’am? Would you like to sign up for the card?”

(The customer takes out her credit card and swipes it, paying for the purchase.)

Me: “Okay.”

(I hand her the receipt and her bags.)

Me: “Have a good night.”

Customer: “So, do I get the rewards now?”

Me: *screaming internally*