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At Lagerheads, Part 3

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work the night shift at an upscale long-term stay hotel. I am delivering all the bills underneath the doors when I encounter a guest holding two beers and a water from my market in the lobby. State law prohibits me from selling alcohol of any kind after midnight.)

Guest: “Hi. Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, I do, sir. How may I help you?”

Guest: “I just wanted to let you know, I got these from the market. I left a note to charge them to my room, 235.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but I cannot charge those beers. I actually have to take them back, as I’m not allowed to sell alcohol after midnight.”

Guest: “It’s not that long after midnight.”

Me: “Sir, it’s almost two in the morning. It’s actually state law, not company policy, so my hands are really tied. Again, I’m sorry.”

Guest: “Just charge them in the morning.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t do that. It’s because we sell the beer retail; we don’t serve it.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous. I’m taking the beers. You can do it just this once. I won’t tell anyone.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry. I have you on camera taking the beer. It would show up on my shift audit, which my manager reviews daily. If I let you take that I will lose my job.”

Guest: “That’s not my problem; you should have been there when I was taking them out of the cooler.”

Me: “Sir, if you don’t give me those beers, I’ll be forced to return to my desk and call the police.”

Guest: “What?! Why?!”

Me: “You didn’t pay for those beers, and you’re being very belligerent about breaking state law. I know your room number, which means I know your name and have a copy of your ID on file. I suggest you reconsider how thirsty you really are.”

(He gave me the beers.)

Related:
At Lagerheads, Part 2
At Lagerheads

This Call Contains No Common Scents

| USA | Bigotry

(I’m male, and work in a service call center. A man in his 60s is on the line.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [company]. This is [name]; how can I help you?”

Member: “Where are all the pretty girls?”

Me: “Uh… I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Member: “Every time I call, it’s always pretty women on your side.”

Me: “My apologies. I can talk in falsetto if you would prefer?”

Member: “No, no. Just put on some perfume and we’ll call it square.”

(I end up helping him with his reason for calling.)

Member: “Now don’t forget, something fragrant, but not overpowering as to give them young boys confusing desires.”

(Considering I am gay, and in no way flamboyant, I find this exceptionally amusing!)

Must Have Got Their Brains From The Dollar Store

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a customer standing in line at a very large fast-food chain. Two scruffy-looking males in their early twenties get in line behind me, and are looking up at the menu. I detect the odor of marijuana coming from their direction.)

Customer #1: *to his friend* “Why are there no prices on the menu?”

Customer #2: “Uh… what do you mean?”

Customer #1: “Dude, under the dollar menu, there are no prices! How stupid! How are we supposed to know how much things are?”

(I turn around just enough to see the confused expressions on both their faces. A few seconds pass, and his friend finally realizes.)

Customer #2: “Oh… dude! Those are all one dollar, because they’re on the dollar menu!”

Customer #1: “Oh… OH!”