Archive for 2013

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Their Reasoning Has A Hole In The Middle

| Wales, UK | Right | September 27, 2013

(I work in the in-store bakery at my supermarket. Our shelving-display signs warn that all of our products either contain nuts, or are prepared in the same food areas as products containing nuts. Two young girls aged about eight approach the shelving, and read aloud the notice.)

Girl #1: “The sign says that some of the food contains nuts. I wonder which things have them in.”

Girl #2: “Well duh, obviously all of the doughnuts have nuts. The clue is in the name. DOUGH. NUTS.”

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A Price Shake-Down

, | Anchorage, AK, USA | Right | September 27, 2013

(I’m working the counter, and I see a six-year-old boy walk in with his mother. The mother sits in the back while the boy goes to the counter to make his order.)

Me: “Hi, sweetie! What can I get you today?”

Boy: “Can I please have a small orange-creme shake?”

Me: “Of course. Anything else?”

Boy: “No.”

Me: “Alright, that’ll be one-ninety.”

(The boy’s face crumples, and he backs away from the counter, walks in a circle, then looks back at me.)

Boy: “What?”

Me: “One-ninety?”

(The boy begins crying, and rushes back to his mother.)

Boy: “Mommy! I need $200 for my shake, and we don’t have that kinda money!”

Mother: “What?”

Me: “Wait, wait, no, sweetheart! I mean it’s one dollar and ninety cents!”

Boy: “Oh, okay.”

(After that, he pays for his shake and acts like absolutely nothing has happened.)

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Bird Brained, Part 8

| Reading, England, UK | Right | September 27, 2013

(I work in a small natural remedies shop. A customer comes in just as we are opening. We open early in the morning; birds are literally still singing outside. The customer browses around for a while, looking increasingly more irritated until stalking up to the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me?! Aren’t you going to do anything about those d*** birds? They won’t shut up.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t really do much about the birds; they’re out there singing every morning. Maybe you could come back a little later?”

Customer: “I can’t come back later; I’ve got s*** to do today! Can’t you put on some music or something?”

Me: *bemused* “Okay, I’ll see what’s behind the counter.”

(I go to look through the store’s CDs, and try not to laugh.)

Customer: *stomps foot* “Well?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s all sounds of nature type stuff.”

Customer: “So put it on!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s bird noises.”

Customer: *stares intently* “Put it on.”

(She continues her shopping in peace and condescendingly asks me ‘isn’t that much better now?’ to the twin cacophony of singing birds in the background. Since then she’s come back every week at the same time, and I make sure I have the sounds of nature on hand when she does.)

Related:
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
Bird Brained, Part 6
Bird Brained, Part 7

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The Height Of Unreason

| AZ, USA | Right | September 27, 2013

(I’m running a ride that has a four-foot height limit, due to the speeds at which it spins and the types of harnesses used for the seats. A guest is waiting at the front of the line with his daughter, who is clearly too small to ride. I am resetting all of the safety locks for the next ride, and I hear my coworker talking to the guest.)

Coworker: “All right, sir, I’m going to have to double-check her height. I’m pretty certain she’s too small to ride.”

Customer: “Oh, she’ll be fine. I’ll be sitting with her.”

Coworker: “No, sir, you can’t do that. I have to check her height.”

(With a bit of a cross look on his face, he tells his daughter to stand next to the measuring pole. She’s a good six inches too short.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t let her ride. She’s simply too small.”

Customer: “Dude, seriously? I’m right here. I’ll be holding her the whole time.”

Coworker: “I can’t let her ride.”

(At this point, he’s holding up the line, and the customers behind him are getting impatient.)

Customer: “Dude, it’s her birthday and we just waited for an hour to get on this ride. Just let her go this time.”

Coworker: “My hands are tied. She can’t ride.”

Customer: “I’m not moving. She’s going to ride.”

(He pretty much has the attention of everyone in line by now. I come over.)

Me: “Listen, sir, I need to get this line moving. Just let me get this straight: you’re telling me that you’re going to willingly endanger your daughter’s life for the low, low price of a ride pass? Fine, by all means.”

(The man goes red in the face before wordlessly picking up his daughter and walking out of the line.)

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Capital Idea

| Right | September 27, 2013

Bad-argument-Hippie-strikes-again

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