Archive for 2013

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Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

| San Jose, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

Client: “Oh, Dr. [name], can I ask one more question?”

Vet: “Of course!”

(The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

Client: “Is that possible?”

Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

Vet: “Only with the magic of photoshop.”

Intelligence Is At An All Time Depression

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, History

(We have a lot of customers who come in looking for something for someone else as a gift; however they often have no clue what they are looking for. Just ‘that thing their friend collects’.)

Customer: “What is the name of that red glass?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but can you be any more descriptive?”

Customer: “You know, that red glassware that people collect.”

Me: “Um, ruby flash?”

Customer: “No, no, no. It’s old, and collectible!”

Me: “Is the glass itself dyed red, or is it painted red? Or is it a different base color with red designs?”

Customer: “It’s red. Or pink.”

Me: “Cape Code? Currier and Ives? Vaseline? Murano? I…I really need more information before I can help you.”

Customer: “It’s the name of all the glass! I don’t collect it! My friend does! I want to get her some!”

Me: *trying one more time* “Depression?”

Customer: “DEPRESSION! THANK YOU!”

(The customer walks away without even asking me where it is in the store.)

Coworker: “Um… depression glass means any cheap translucent glass that was made during the Great Depression. It comes in almost any color you can think of, not just red and pink.”

Me: “You want to go explain that to her?”

Coworker: “Nope.”

Losing His Hold On Reality

| Midlands, England, UK | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

Customer: “The hold music!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

Me: “Hear what?”

Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

(The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)