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He Will Not Be De-Feet-ed

| Natchitoches, LA, USA | Romantic | October 3, 2013

(I decide to put our hands together, palms facing and laugh because my boyfriend’s hands are only marginally larger.)

Boyfriend: *quietly* “Yeah, I have small hands.”

Me: “That’s very sweet of you, babe, but I know I’ve got big hands.”

Boyfriend: “But you have slender fingers.”

Me: *laughing* “Okay, so I have long, wide hands.”

(My boyfriend glances down at our feet, which are side-by-side.)

Boyfriend: “I have little feet.”

Me: “Wrong again. I have wide feet from walking barefoot so much.” *I slip off my shoes* “See? I can never find a wide-width, so I generally have to wear shoes that are a couple sizes bigger or buy men’s shoes. But it’s sweet that you wanted me to feel good about myself.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah but it was making me feel bad about myself.”

Never Be Happy Again

| VA, USA | Romantic | October 3, 2013

(My boyfriend has just made a dirty joke.)

Me: “You make me smile.”

Boyfriend: “Good! And just remember: you can’t say ‘happiness’… without ‘penis.'”

If You Ever Feel Dumb

| Learning | October 3, 2013



| Erie, PA, USA | Learning | October 3, 2013

(My history professor is discussing insurrection. He has a very vivid style of teaching that involves putting us into the situations we’re learning about.)

Professor: “Assume that you are the government. You want to stay in power, so you need to bring an end to the rebellion. What seems to be the best way to do that?”

Outspoken Classmate: “KILL EVERYONE!”

Professor: “You would make an excellent tyrannical despot! Everyone remember this. If I go down, do not elect her your new leader.”

1 Thumbs

Starting The Song Prematurely

| USA | Learning | October 3, 2013

(I’m teaching a piece of choral music to a high school choir. It’s a long piece, so we’ve broken it up into lettered sections for ease of rehearsing.)

Me: “Okay, let’s start at the ‘C’ section.”

Student: “I shouldn’t have to sing that part!”

Me: “Why not?”

Student: “Because I was born naturally!”

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