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The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants

| NY, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(We have finally succeeded at potty-training our three-year-old son. However he hasn’t quite gotten the concept of pulling his underwear and pants back up before leaving the bathroom yet. Our latest argument happens when he simply REMOVES his clothes from the waist down and decides to wander around the house.)

Me: “Come on [son], you cannot wander around the house half-naked!”

Son: “Why?”

Me: “It’s a rule. Daddy doesn’t wander around the house half-naked, does he?”

Son: “Yes he does!”

Me: “…okay, good point. But Mommy doesn’t, does she?”

Son: “Nooo…”

Me: “Right. So be more like Mommy and put your pants back on!”

Related:

The Parenthood Of The Travelling Rants
The Daughterhood Of The Virginal Pants
The Daughterhood Of The Missing Pants
The Motherhood Of The Struggling Pants
The Siblinghood Of The Travelling Pants

Alienating Your Siblings

| Australia | Related | October 4, 2013

(I am 13 years old. My mum is out for the night and my brother is looking after me. I wake up around 1 am hearing shouting and people running around the house. When I come into the living room, my 21-year-old brother and one of his friends are crouched behind our couch with Nerf guns, while two more of his friends are trying to sneak up and get close to them. Eventually one of them gets close enough to drag my brother’s friend away from the couch while he’s shouting and thrashing, and then they switch places. I’m watching this for a while before I decide to speak up.)

Me: “What are you guys doing?”

Brother’s Friend: “We’re playing Aliens.”

Brother: “Hey, she can be Newt!”

Give Her Crap

| Romantic | October 4, 2013

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Savor The Survivor

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Romantic | October 4, 2013

(My partner and I are snuggling in bed. She randomly turns to me.)

Partner: “If we were stranded on a deserted island with no food, I’d eat the other survivors first before I ate you.”

Engine Failure

| USA | Romantic | October 4, 2013

(I am wandering through the mall, and a guy working at the pet store decides to try hitting on me. After a minute or two of small talk, he switches tactics and tries some bragging.)

Guy: “So, you know, I can work on any kind of engine that has ever been built!”

Me: “Really? What do you think of sleeve-valves?”

(The guy stares at me blankly.)

Me: “You know, sleeve-valves. Aren’t they neat? I know they had their problems, but it’s such a shame that they never really gained popularity.”

Guy: “Sleeve-valves?”

Me: “They were used in engines of some of the cars from the 1920’s, mostly the Sterns and Willys Knights.”

Guy: “Oh, well I meant I can work on any modern engine that has ever been built.”

(I think he picked the wrong girl to try out that pick-up line. It’s a shame too; if he had actually been able to back up his statement, he would have had me hook, line, and sinker.)

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