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Missed Curfew

| Related | October 4, 2013

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Music Hits A Sour Note

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(My dogs make messes, so I keep my door closed. I am also wearing headphones just out of courtesy. Because my mom is too lazy to walk up the stairs, she just stands at the bottom of the stairs and shouts for ten minutes. Finally she gives up and walks in.)

Mom: “I have had it with you. You keep the door closed and your headphones on! You have speakers! Use those! Keep the door open!”

(Not ten minutes after I do what mom says, the dog gets in and knocks the trashcan over.)

Me: “Mom, this is why I keep the door closed! The dogs knocked over the trash!”

Mom: “Well it’s your fault. You left the door open.”

(Because I had left music on, dad walks in before I can respond.)

Dad: “I can hear your music from the hallway! Why aren’t you using your headphones?”

(I try VERY hard not to scream.)

They All Get It In The End

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(My husband is in the hospital, and I am calling my sister.)

Me: “Yeah, he’s sick. He has Prostatitis.”

Sister: “Oh my! My husband had Prostatitis once!”

(My sister goes silent for a moment. I hear my fifteen year old nephew speaking up on the other end.)

Nephew: “Prostatitis? Does that come from a prostitute?”

The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants

| NY, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(We have finally succeeded at potty-training our three-year-old son. However he hasn’t quite gotten the concept of pulling his underwear and pants back up before leaving the bathroom yet. Our latest argument happens when he simply REMOVES his clothes from the waist down and decides to wander around the house.)

Me: “Come on [son], you cannot wander around the house half-naked!”

Son: “Why?”

Me: “It’s a rule. Daddy doesn’t wander around the house half-naked, does he?”

Son: “Yes he does!”

Me: “…okay, good point. But Mommy doesn’t, does she?”

Son: “Nooo…”

Me: “Right. So be more like Mommy and put your pants back on!”

 

Alienating Your Siblings

| Australia | Related | October 4, 2013

(I am 13 years old. My mum is out for the night and my brother is looking after me. I wake up around 1 am hearing shouting and people running around the house. When I come into the living room, my 21-year-old brother and one of his friends are crouched behind our couch with Nerf guns, while two more of his friends are trying to sneak up and get close to them. Eventually one of them gets close enough to drag my brother’s friend away from the couch while he’s shouting and thrashing, and then they switch places. I’m watching this for a while before I decide to speak up.)

Me: “What are you guys doing?”

Brother’s Friend: “We’re playing Aliens.”

Brother: “Hey, she can be Newt!”

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