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Ask Me No Questions, I’ll Sell You No Fries

| Scotland, UK | Working | October 4, 2013

(I work at a well-known fast food restaurant. I have a colleague who works in the kitchen and over the past few weeks has been turning up late, drunk and just generally always has a foul attitude. I am working on the tills.)

Me: “I’ll just find out how long that’ll be for you, sir.”

Customer: “Thanks, that’ll be really helpful. I have a train to catch soon.”

Me: “No problem at all, sir.”

(I turn to the kitchen and talk to my colleague.)

Me: “Sorry about the inconvenience, but would you be able to tell me how long—”


Me: “Sorry, I know it’s frustrating for you but—”


Me: “Okay, I understand you’re under a lot of stress, but a customer would like to know how long his order will take.”

Colleague: “How difficult is it to just STOP ASKING HOW LONG THINGS WILL BE?”

Me: *to customer* “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but my colleague is refusing to tell me how long your order will take.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it; thanks for all your help anyway.”

(A few minutes later, the order is ready, and I hand it to the customer.)

Customer: “Thanks so much for your amazing service today; don’t let that b**** get you down.”

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Missed Curfew

| Related | October 4, 2013


Music Hits A Sour Note

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(My dogs make messes, so I keep my door closed. I am also wearing headphones just out of courtesy. Because my mom is too lazy to walk up the stairs, she just stands at the bottom of the stairs and shouts for ten minutes. Finally she gives up and walks in.)

Mom: “I have had it with you. You keep the door closed and your headphones on! You have speakers! Use those! Keep the door open!”

(Not ten minutes after I do what mom says, the dog gets in and knocks the trashcan over.)

Me: “Mom, this is why I keep the door closed! The dogs knocked over the trash!”

Mom: “Well it’s your fault. You left the door open.”

(Because I had left music on, dad walks in before I can respond.)

Dad: “I can hear your music from the hallway! Why aren’t you using your headphones?”

(I try VERY hard not to scream.)

They All Get It In The End

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(My husband is in the hospital, and I am calling my sister.)

Me: “Yeah, he’s sick. He has Prostatitis.”

Sister: “Oh my! My husband had Prostatitis once!”

(My sister goes silent for a moment. I hear my fifteen year old nephew speaking up on the other end.)

Nephew: “Prostatitis? Does that come from a prostitute?”

The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants

| NY, USA | Related | October 4, 2013

(We have finally succeeded at potty-training our three-year-old son. However he hasn’t quite gotten the concept of pulling his underwear and pants back up before leaving the bathroom yet. Our latest argument happens when he simply REMOVES his clothes from the waist down and decides to wander around the house.)

Me: “Come on [son], you cannot wander around the house half-naked!”

Son: “Why?”

Me: “It’s a rule. Daddy doesn’t wander around the house half-naked, does he?”

Son: “Yes he does!”

Me: “…okay, good point. But Mommy doesn’t, does she?”

Son: “Nooo…”

Me: “Right. So be more like Mommy and put your pants back on!”


The Parenthood Of The Travelling Rants
The Daughterhood Of The Virginal Pants
The Daughterhood Of The Missing Pants
The Motherhood Of The Struggling Pants
The Siblinghood Of The Travelling Pants

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