(I observe an exchange between a lifeguard, a mother, and the manager. The life guard has just jumped in and saves a three year old from drowning.)

Mother: “Why did you just grab my kid?”

Lifeguard: “He had wandered too deep and couldn’t touch the bottom; I pulled him out because he was drowning.”

Mother: “He was just playing. He was perfectly fine.”

Lifeguard: “Ma’am, his head was under water and he could not breathe. ”

Mother: “I DEMAND to see your manager!”

(The manager, who has witnessed the whole thing, walks over and takes the mother to his office. After about 10 minutes he returns and begins talking to the lifeguard.)

Manager: “Our business is all about serving our members and what you did is unacceptable.”

Life Guard: “You mean saving that kids life?”

Manager: “Yes, the mother says he was just playing and you ruined his fun.”

(The lifeguard is understandably speechless, so I feel the need to interject.)

Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to congratulate this lifeguard on saving that kid’s life.”

Manager: “He wasn’t drowning; it was just a drill.”

Me: “Are you kidding?! The kid was under water, flailing, and unable to breathe!”

Manager: “Really?”

Lifeguard & Me: “YES!”

Manager: “Oh, sorry.”

(The manager walks away.)

Me: “You need to find a new job.”

Lifeguard: “No kidding.”

(My bank offers free cookies to our customers to thank them for banking with us. Most people are polite and only take one cookie, two at the most for someone else waiting at home. One customer is notorious for going to all her local branches and taking every single cookie by dumping them in a grocery bag. Today, a coworker has just finished waiting on her while I am finishing up with a customer.)

Me: “Is there anything else we can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yes, what kind of cookies do you have?”

Me: “We have peanut butter and chocolate chip. They are in a basket by the door on your way out; please help yourself!”

(My customer heads over. Unfortunately, she’s right behind the other notorious customer with the grocery bag in her hand. He watches as the other customer picks up handful after handful of cookies and shoves them into her grocery bag and leaves, the basket now empty.)

Me: *to my next customer* “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, sir. We just finished making a fresh batch. Would you like one or two?”

Next Customer: *laughing* “No, no thank you. I guess it’s a sign that I don’t really need a cookie today!”

(I overhear a library patron talking to his small daughter.)

Patron: “You’re turning five today; do you know what that means?”

Daughter: “Uh…”

Patron: “Do you know what you finally get today? It’s so exciting!”

Daughter: “A pink Nintendo DS?!”

Patron: “What? Uh, no. We’re getting you a library card.”

Me: “…weeee! Happy birthday!”

(I’m a regular customer standing in line at my favorite coffee shop. It’s a busy morning, and the very friendly barista I know is flying through orders. Customer #1 is ahead of me waiting.)

Barista: “I have a large latte for [Customer #1].”

Customer #1: “Is that soy? I asked for soy.”

Barista: “Oh no, it’s not. I apologize; the cup was not marked properly. I’m glad you checked.”

Customer #1: “I have a severe dairy allergy. It was supposed to be soy.”

Barista: “Well I do apologize; I’ll start another right away. We always say ‘soy’ when the coffee contains soy, so thanks for checking.”

Customer #1: “I don’t need your attitude!”

Barista: “I did not mean to give you any attitude, ma’am. Again I apologize. In fact, I have a dairy allergy myself, so I understand. Here’s your tall latte with soy.”

(I can tell that everyone around me is feeling uncomfortable witnessing Customer #1’s bad behavior. She starts to leave with her coffee, and turns to Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “What a b****!”

Customer #2: “You sure act like one!”

(At this, the remainder of the customers shout statements of agreement.)

Remainder Of Customers: “Yeah! Way to be a nasty person over a little mistake! Poor girl is just doing her job, and she’s hustling through it too! I would never want to have to put up with you! You really ought to be nicer to people who serve you your food!”

(Customer #1 practically runs from the store. It gives me a little more faith in humanity!)

(I’m picking up my daughter from nursery, and overhear a conversation with one of the other parents and a member of staff.)

Parent: “Tell her what mommy is going to do tonight.”

Two-Year-Old: “Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!”

Staff: “Err…”

Parent: “Isn’t it funny?!”

This story is part of our Kindergarten roundup!

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