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Shell Shocked

, | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It is late at night, in the middle of summer. I’m working at the first window, taking orders as well as working the register. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; thankfully the driver is sober.)

Me: “Good evening. Your total is $[total].”

Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

(The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment before handing me a wad of bills.)

Me: “Alright. Here’s your change and your recei—”

(I turn to hand him his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

Me: “Er… no thanks.”

Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

(The customer tries to hand me the crab anyways.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take… tips?”

Customer: “Aww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

(My colleagues and I were all left wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

Pass The Buck To Your Manager

| IA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am stocking the liquor section. An older customer comes up to the register. He is wearing cut-off jeans going three quarters of the way up his thigh and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his belly button.)

Customer: “I want the liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

Me: “Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I want that liqueur made of deer’s blood.”

Me: “Do you know the name of this drink?”

Customer: “No, but I know it is made of deer’s blood.”

(I call over the manager who deals with the liquor section.)

Me: “Do we have a liqueur made of deer’s blood?”

Manager: “I don’t think we stock anything like that. Let’s look.”

(We look for a while and I eventually take a bottle of Jägermeister off the shelf.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

Highly Screwed

| Muskogee, OK, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(I am working late evening, when a customer comes in near closing time. He is high on something and brings a 4 ft tall bong.)

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Well… umm… I broke it.”

Me: “Broke what?”

Customer: “I broke my smoker.”

Me: “Okay… what can I do to help you?”

Customer: “Screw. I need a screw. I think a screw will fix it. Or maybe something else. A screw. I need a screw. I need a screw!”

(I try to help him find the right screw, but he’s not thinking. He walks away, with his screw, and, I’m sure, another chance to get high again.)

Customer: “Need a screw. Need a screw. Need a screw…”