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Has Not Registered The Lack Of Pockets

| UK | Right | October 7, 2013

(A customer brings some items to my register and I ring them up. The total is £5.50, and she hands me a £10 note. I’ve come across this scam many times, so rather than putting the customer’s money straight into the register, I always place it on top until the transaction is complete, and put it in the drawer at the last moment. It is summer, and I am wearing a light summer dress with no pockets.)

Me: “Thanks, your change is £4.50, and here’s your receipt.”

Customer: *staring at the money but not taking it* “I gave you a £20 note.”

Me: “No, sorry, you paid with a £10 note. Your change is £4.50.”

Customer: “No! I gave you a £20 note! You’re trying to short-change me!”

Me: *smiling* “You gave me £10. This £10.” *I point at the note sitting on the register* “Your change is £4.50.”

Customer: *red-faced and irate* “Get your manager!”

(My manager is at a desk right behind me, and has heard everything.)

Manager: “Can I help?”

Customer: “She’s trying to steal my money! I gave her a £20, but she’s only giving me change for a £10!”

Manager: *peering into my cash drawer* “Well, the drawer has two £5 notes, and about three £10 notes in it, but no £20 notes. Where exactly is the £20 note you paid with?”

Customer: “Um… she must have pocketed it!”

(The manager steps back, and makes a point of slowly looking up and down at my clearly pocketless outfit.)

Manager: “Right… and where exactly would she have put it?”

Customer: “Er…”

Manager: “Right.” *to me* “Give her the change from the £10.”

Me: “Here you go, £4.50!”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Manager: *to me* “I’ll make you a cup of tea. I think you need it.”

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Providing Extra Service

| New York, NY, USA | Right | October 7, 2013

(I work at a cash register at a fairly popular clothing store. A customer walks up to me with a t-shirt in hand.)

Customer: “Do you have this in size extra-medium?”

Me: *stares blankly* “An extra-medium?”

Customer: “Yeah. The medium just doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Is it too big?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Is it too small?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s not medium enough.”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

(I take the shirt into the back room and take out a sharpie. I carefully draw an ‘X’ in front of the ‘M’ on the tag of the shirt. I then return and hand the shirt to the customer. He checks the tag, then goes and tries it on in the fitting room. I see him again at the checkout counter.)

Me: “Were you happy with your shirt?”

Customer: “Yeah. That extra-medium fits so much better than the medium!”

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Cold Customers To Calculating Staff

| Ashford, Kent, UK | Right | October 7, 2013

(Working on the till can sometimes get a bit boring and repetitive, especially when having to ask the same questions over and over again. To keep my brain busy, when a customer pays with cash I sometimes work out the change in my head before the till tells me what it is.)

Me: “Your change today will be [amount].”

(I enter the amount of money given into the till. Sure enough, I am correct with the change.)

Customer: “You knew it beforehand? How did you know?”

Me: “Um, mental arithmetic?”

Customer: “No, no! You work in a shop! You shouldn’t know math! Honestly, what next?!”

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Solving Difficult Number Tables

| London, England, UK | Right | October 7, 2013

(The coffee shop I work in has a policy for customers to order their hot food from the tills, by providing their table number. Every table has its own individual number super-glued firmly to it. My coworker calls a customer to her counter.)

Coworker: “Hello there, are you ordering food today?”

Customer: “Yes, here’s our table number.”

(The customer then HANDS OVER the number plate that was super-glued to the table.)

Coworker: “Did you take this off of the table?”

Customer: “Yes! It was really stuck on there though!”

(I’ve never seen anyone take this policy quite so literally.)

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Bursting The American Bubble

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Right | October 7, 2013

(There are two customers in line: the first customer is in her 20s, and the second customer is a middle-aged man. The first customer hands me her credit card.)

Me: “Ma’am, I need to see your ID.”

Customer #1: “Oh? Is that something new?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry for the inconvenience!”

Customer #1: “Oh, no! It’s totally fine. My driver’s license expired while I was in Reykjavik, though. I just got back; see. Will you take my passport?”

Me: “Oh, of course!”

(Customer #2 stomps up to us as Customer #1 is looking for it.)

Customer #2: “You mean to tell me that I’m having to stand in line and wait behind a foreigner? I’m an American! I demand you help me before helping her!”

(Customer #1 rolls her eyes and shows me her passport.)

Customer #1: “Will this work?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Customer #2: “No! Don’t help her! What country are you from, b****? Russia? Don’t help her! It’s people like her that are ruining this country!”

Customer #1: “Sir, I am an American. And even if I wasn’t, how dare you speak to me and this cashier in such a manner?”

Customer #2: “Liar! An American wouldn’t have a passport!”

Me: “Sir, if you’d looked at her passport, you’d see that it says USA all over it.”

Customer #2: *looks at Customer #1’s passport* “But… but that can’t be! She wouldn’t use a passport if she’s a native American!”

Me: “Right. She’s really from Italy; she just likes to draw random eagles all over her passport. Now where are you from, sir? I’m sure this lady would like to know, so she can be sure never to visit.”

(Customer #2 leaves in a huff, threatening to call the manager and corporate.)

Customer #1: *sighs* “Is your manager here?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. Do you need to talk to him?”

Customer #1: “Please.”

(I get the manager, and he and Customer #1 have a conversation. I go back to work. The manager comes back a few minutes later and drops a $20 in the tip jar.)

Me: “What is that?”

Manager: “From the customer I was talking to. She said she wanted to be sure you didn’t get in trouble for standing up for her and thought you deserved a tip.”

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