(I am at a popular fast food restaurant that currently has game pieces for Monopoly on their cups. I was going through the drive thru.)

Me: “Hi, I have a monopoly piece for a free smoothie. Is there a specific kind you would recommend? I haven’t had one before.”

Cashier: “Um, we have strawberry banana.”

Me: “Okay, that sounds great. I’d also like a number 16 combo, and a grilled chicken sandwich, just the sandwich no meal.”

Cashier: “Okay. Does everything look right on the screen? Your total is $14.90.”

Me: “No, you’re charging me for the smoothie still. I have a Monopoly piece that makes it free.”

Cashier: “Um. Okay. Pull forward.”

(I get to the window.)

Me: “Hi, here’s my piece for the free smoothie.”

Cashier: “Well you should have told me you had one!”

Me: *trying to be nice* “I did, but that’s okay. I’m sure it’s loud outside and hard to hear.”

Cashier: “Okay, your total is now $5.70.”

Me: “Wait, it’s $5.70? Taking the smoothie off shouldn’t have taken off $9.00. You got the meal as well as the sandwich right?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I will give you your freaking receipt. I comp’d your smoothie so you aren’t paying for it. I know what I’m doing, mmmk?”

Me: *fed up at this point* “Okay, sounds great.”

(I go to the window, get my smoothie, meal, and sandwich, and pay $5.70 for $15.00 worth of food just because someone doesn’t know what they’re doing, and is very rude about it!)

(My uncle and I are Maori, and from New Zealand. We’re visiting the USA. A Ta Moko is a Maori tattoo that more or less tells your story. My uncle has a full face Ta Moko, while I just have Ta Moko on my arms. My uncle and I are visiting a pizza shop; there’s only two teenagers working currently at the registers.)

Uncle: “We’ll have two large pizzas, both pepperoni.”

Cashier #1: “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”

Uncle: “Pardon? What is our kind?”

Cashier #1: “You tattoo freaks, with your weird designs and green colors.”

Uncle: “We’re not ‘tattoo freaks’; these happen to be Ta Mokos, which are of the Maori culture.”

Cashier #2: “Just shut up and leave; stop making excuses for being druggie tattoo freaks.”

Me: “Pardon? We’re not making excuses. Maori is a real thing; Ta Mokos are special types of tattoos that are special to the Maori culture, and by saying that being of the Maori culture is just an excuse for drugs, then that’s discrimination against a race, and of course it’s against regulation to not serve customers just because they come from a race that is different from yours.”

Cashier #1: “Yeah right, just leave and stop trying to be all cool and druggie.”

Uncle: “Get your manager, now.”

Cashier #2: “Fine, but he’ll just tell you the same thing.”

(The manager comes out and apologizes, saying that he was actually planning to visit New Zealand and is fascinated by the Maori culture. We end up getting a pizza for free, and it was fresh and delicious! Kind managers make up for the terrible employees.)

(I work in a call center as a fraud specialist. It is not uncommon to get calls from people trying to contest escort or p*rn charges as fraud when they’re really not.)

Caller: “I have a charge on here for over five grand. I didn’t charge that; it’s fraud.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear it. I can help with that.”

(I pull up the charge, and see another charge for a tow truck and parking ticket in the same state the other charges was made.)

Me: “I see here that the charge is for an escort service. The physical card was present, as well. You have not been traveling, is that correct?”

Caller: “That’s right, and I have my credit card, too.”

Me: “Sir, thank you for the information. Please hold while I get more information on this merchant.”

(While the caller is holding, I call the merchant directly. I already know he’s lying, but I have to prove it without calling him a liar. The merchant was not at all surprised, and was delighted to provide me with a copy of his driver’s license and imprint of the card with signature on the sales draft. Not only that, but they even give me the name and room number of the hotel he stayed in when he used their escort service.)

Me: “Sir, thank you for holding. I found out more about the charge. But I want to go over your last valid charges. Did you recently get a ticket or paid for towing service?”

Caller: “Yeah, that charge is okay.”

Me: “Sir, that charge shows the card was swiped, which means you were in that state, right?”

Caller: “Uh… yeah…”

Me: “And did you stay at [Hotel], room 2058?”

Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “Sir, I contacted the merchant and they verified all of your information, and even offered to send a copy of your driver’s license and signature. It’s because of that we can’t accept this charge as fraud.”

Caller: “So what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you still have options. You may still be able to dispute the charge as a billing dispute in the event that you didn’t receive any products or services, or the services were not as agreed upon, or you can contact the merchant directly. Were you not satisfied with the services you received?”

Caller: *click*

(A little boy, around five or six, comes into my work with his parents. He has a scab below his eye.)

Me: “Hey, buddy! What happened to your eye?”

Boy: *looking down, embarrassed* “I fell off a chair.”

(I lean down, and whisper to him just loud enough for his parents to hear.)

Me: “Just tell people you got in a fight with a bear, and WON!”

Boy: *lights up* “Yeah! Dad, can I say that?”

Dad: “Well, that’s what happened, right? You got in a fight with a bear and WON!”

Boy: “YEAH!”

(I am working at a busy café, serving a customer who is busy gossiping with her friend.)

Me: “So, your total comes to $4.95.”

(The customer hands me her pre-loaded store card without saying a word. I swipe for payment.)

Me: “Oh, it looks like your balance is reduced to zero now. You just owe $0.35.”

Customer: “YOU USED THE CARD?!”

Me: “Yes, you gave it to me.”

Customer: “Oh my God! I just wanted the balance!”

Me: “Okay, well you should say that when you hand me the card after I ask you for payment.”

Customer: “UGH! Like… I have change!”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry that you weren’t aware.”

Customer: “Just give me the d*** balance!”

Me: “You have no money on the card. I told you your total. You gave me your card without saying anything. And so I used it. And now there is no money on it. And you still owe me $0.35.”

(The customer gets red-faced, pays the remainder, and still tries to act cool leaving.)