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A Plank Expression

| Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(I’m sprawled on the couch watching TV when my boyfriend comes over to cuddle. As he lies on top of me, he tucks his arms to his sides and stops moving.)

Me: “Are you… are you planking on me?”

Boyfriend: “I figured if I was going to try it, I should start somewhere comfortable.”

Refute The Cute

| Wales, UK | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(I’m getting ready to head to my first day back at university after summer, and I’m nervous about it. My boyfriend is sleepily still in bed, but trying to give me encouragement.)

Boyfriend: “You no worry about anything; you’ll be fine. Here… take some of my confidence with you!”

(My boyfriend grabs his hair and then makes a flinging motion at me.)

Me: *teasing* “Oh, so now you’re being all nice and cute, but yesterday it was all ‘stop singing all the time’ and ‘be quiet.’ Well, I see how it is—”

(My boyfriend grabs his hair and makes the flinging motion again.)

Boyfriend: “You take some of my ‘non-moany’ too.”

Needs A Better Back(ing)-Up Plan

| Hillcrest, CA, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(I am taking my girlfriend and best friend to dinner, and have just found an awesome parking spot, but I have to parallel park.)

Me: “I GOT THIS!”

Girlfriend & Best Friend: “No, you don’t.”

(Suddenly a random and flamboyant man shows up.)

Man: “Honey.” *turns to my girlfriend but points at me* “Is that one yours?”

Girlfriend: “Indeed he is.”

Man: “Honey. I’m gonna help your man park. I’m a New York Jew, and he is cute!”

(He then helps me park perfectly, then runs back to his date.)

Me: “Can’t I ever go somewhere and not get emasculated?”

Girlfriend: “Look at the positive side! Now two people here think you’re cute!”

Trust Me Baby

| Romantic | October 8, 2013

Trust-me

Disbelieving His Beliefs

, | New York, NY, USA | Learning | October 8, 2013

(I’m in the sixth grade. I sit down with my friend in my first science class of the year. My teacher enters shortly after. After a brief introduction, he starts a little speech.)

Teacher: “Kids these days; you’ve all been taught the wrong things by your elementary school teachers.”

(The teacher takes out some matches, water, and a $20 bill.)

Teacher: “Why does water put out fire?”

Student: *raises hand* “Water puts out fire because the fire needs ox—”

Teacher: “WRONG!” *lights $20 bill on fire, then pours water on it* “Water doesn’t put out fires because it stops fueling oxygen to the flames. It works because the great god Ahura Mazda says it works!” *takes a paper plane and throws it to the back of the room* “Aerodynamics don’t work because of the laws you’ve all been taught. It works because the great god Ahura Mazda SAYS it works!”

(At this point, everyone’s convinced he’s either completely nuts, or they’ve caught on like I have.)

Me: *whispering to friend* “This guy’s nuts… I like it.”

Teacher: *regains composure* “See what I just told you? Forget it. I was lying. That’ll teach you not to believe everything an adult will tell you.”

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