Archive for 2013

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No Onions Makes You Cry

, | New Orleans, LA, USA | Related | October 8, 2013

(Our family is eating out when we see another parent bring the burgers to their table. The other family’s three-year-old daughter opens her burger and bursts into tears.)

Mother: “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Daughter: “There aren’t any onions!”

Mother: “Well, no, you don’t like onions.”

Daughter: “But I want to take them off MYSELF!”

Golden Brown Memories

| TX, USA | Related | October 8, 2013

(Friends of mine have just had a baby; they are changing her when suddenly she has explosive diarrhea that sprays everywhere. The father hands the mother the baby, covered in poop.)

Father: “What do I do about the curtains?!”

Mother: *holding the baby in front of her* “What do I do about this baby?!”

Derailing Your Train Of Thought

| UK | Related | October 8, 2013

(My dad and I are crossing a bridge, which goes over a railway track. Two women are holding their toddler-aged children up to the railings of the bridge, obviously trainspotting.)

Dad: “Aww, that’s a nice thing to do with your kids on a Sunday…”

(I’m about to agree, when he adds…)

Dad: “Throw them over the railings and go to the pub!”

The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 17

| USA | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(My boyfriend is talking about a video game he has been playing recently.)

Boyfriend: “So I killed 3,000 people, but then I got bored.”

Me: “You got bored from mass-murdering people? What is wrong with you?!”

Boyfriend: “Well it took me two hours! Wouldn’t you be bored by then?”

Me: “Honey if it took you two whole hours to massacre a measly 3,000 people, then you aren’t doing it right.”

Related:
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 16
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 15
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 14
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 13
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 12

A Plank Expression

| Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(I’m sprawled on the couch watching TV when my boyfriend comes over to cuddle. As he lies on top of me, he tucks his arms to his sides and stops moving.)

Me: “Are you… are you planking on me?”

Boyfriend: “I figured if I was going to try it, I should start somewhere comfortable.”

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