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Golden Brown Memories

| TX, USA | Related | October 8, 2013

(Friends of mine have just had a baby; they are changing her when suddenly she has explosive diarrhea that sprays everywhere. The father hands the mother the baby, covered in poop.)

Father: “What do I do about the curtains?!”

Mother: *holding the baby in front of her* “What do I do about this baby?!”

Derailing Your Train Of Thought

| UK | Related | October 8, 2013

(My dad and I are crossing a bridge, which goes over a railway track. Two women are holding their toddler-aged children up to the railings of the bridge, obviously trainspotting.)

Dad: “Aww, that’s a nice thing to do with your kids on a Sunday…”

(I’m about to agree, when he adds…)

Dad: “Throw them over the railings and go to the pub!”

The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 17

| USA | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(My boyfriend is talking about a video game he has been playing recently.)

Boyfriend: “So I killed 3,000 people, but then I got bored.”

Me: “You got bored from mass-murdering people? What is wrong with you?!”

Boyfriend: “Well it took me two hours! Wouldn’t you be bored by then?”

Me: “Honey if it took you two whole hours to massacre a measly 3,000 people, then you aren’t doing it right.”

 

A Plank Expression

| Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(I’m sprawled on the couch watching TV when my boyfriend comes over to cuddle. As he lies on top of me, he tucks his arms to his sides and stops moving.)

Me: “Are you… are you planking on me?”

Boyfriend: “I figured if I was going to try it, I should start somewhere comfortable.”

Refute The Cute

| Wales, UK | Romantic | October 8, 2013

(I’m getting ready to head to my first day back at university after summer, and I’m nervous about it. My boyfriend is sleepily still in bed, but trying to give me encouragement.)

Boyfriend: “You no worry about anything; you’ll be fine. Here… take some of my confidence with you!”

(My boyfriend grabs his hair and then makes a flinging motion at me.)

Me: *teasing* “Oh, so now you’re being all nice and cute, but yesterday it was all ‘stop singing all the time’ and ‘be quiet.’ Well, I see how it is—”

(My boyfriend grabs his hair and makes the flinging motion again.)

Boyfriend: “You take some of my ‘non-moany’ too.”

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