(My husband and I are on our way home after participating in a race where people throw colored dye at participants. We are wearing shirts with the event name across the front.)
Me: “My shirt is completely covered in color! You can’t even see the words anymore. It’s like it says ‘run, blotchy thing, dye.'”
Husband: “I like to play with those blotchy things.”
Me: “Did you really just refer to my boobs as ‘blotchy things?'”
Husband: “That wasn’t a very good idea was it?”
Me: “No…”
(I receive Women, Infants and Children (WIC) benefits. I’m used to all the judgmental stares I get when going shopping for food. On one occasion, I’d been treated very rudely by a cashier. When I return next month, her line was the only one open because it was near closing. I am the last customer. I mentally prepare myself for rudeness again. This time, she’s surprisingly polite.)
Cashier #1: “Uh, ma’am? Are you okay? Did you forget something?”
(My four-year-old daughter decides to honestly answer.)
Daughter: “She’s upset ’cause you were mean to her!”
Cashier #1: “Excuse me?”
Daughter: “You were mean to my mommy! You were mean and didn’t say sorry!”
Cashier #1: *to me* “Ma’am, I have never seen you or your daughter. What is she talking about?”
Me: “When I came in here last month, you berated me because two of my items were wrong. Then you told me that’s why I should get a job like everyone else. You said a freeloader like me shouldn’t have had a kid.”
Cashier #1: “That’s terrible. But, ma’am, I promise you I didn’t— Wait, you said last month?”
Me: “Yes.”
Cashier #1: “Let me ring up and bag your stuff; then wait right here. Don’t leave.”
(After everything is paid for and bagged, she closes her register and walks off. Less than three minutes later, she returns with a woman who looks exactly like her. As soon as the second cashier sees my daughter and me, she scowls.)
Cashier #1: *to the other cashier* “You say you don’t forget faces. Do you recognize them?”
Cashier #2: “Yeah. I remember them. Did they give you trouble too?”
Cashier #1: “No. But I think you gave them trouble. Maybe you should apologize.”
Cashier #2: “For what? It’s not my fault she had a kid when she was too d*** poor!”
Cashier #1: “Oh, really? Gee, I wonder if that’s how you felt when you had your son back in high school and everyone called you names. Now that you’re able to attend college, work, and don’t have to rely on our parents anymore, you’re above everyone?”
(The other cashier turns red and apologizes. She then leaves as quickly as possible.)
Cashier #1: “I’m sorry. That’s who was rude to you last month, not me. She’s my twin sister. You see, she’s an overachiever. She always felt that made her better than everyone else. Then, she had her son at 15 and things went downhill for a while. She’s back up now. I guess she didn’t learn any lessons during that time.”
Me: “Ah, okay. Well, thank you very much. If you don’t mind me asking, how does she think being a cashier while attending college puts her above others? Lots of people do it, with kids and without.”
Cashier #1: “She knows that. She just has an ego. A very big ego that she’s trying too hard to keep up with!”
(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the hood of his car, talking. We’re both very interested in history.)
Boyfriend: “Do you know why the Japanese didn’t win World War II?”
Me: “No. Why?”
(Suddenly, he leans over and kisses me for the first time. I’m quiet for a minute.)
Me: “What was that?!”
Boyfriend: “Well, I knew I had to distract you, or we’d both chicken out.”
(I work at a hobby store that sells everything from arts and crafts for kids to models and remote control vehicles. A customer and her small son come in and shop around for a bit. They eventually bring up a vacuum for catching bugs.)
Me: “Alright. That will be [price]. This requires three AA batteries. Did you need those?”
Customer: “Yeah. We better get some.”
Me: “Okay. Your new total comes to [price].”
(They pay and leave. Not five minutes later they come back in.)
Customer: “I’m sorry, but do you have a screwdriver to open this with?”
(The customer meant one she could buy but we have one behind the counter for this type of situation. I go ahead and just open the battery cover for her on the bug catcher.)
Me: “There we are! You’re good to go.”
(I hand it back to the little boy. They begin to leave when the customer turns around and addresses her son.)
Customer: “Tell the nice lady ‘thank you.'”
Son: *with a look of concentration on his face* “You… are… sooo… beautiful.”
Me: “Why, thank you!”
(The mom is slightly embarrassed but thanks me again. They leave. I turn to my coworker, who watched the whole thing and is smiling)
Me: “I don’t know where he learned those manners from, but he’s gonna do well in life.”
(The owner of the pet store I work at calls me into his office to listen to a recorded call.)
Owner: “Are my employees idiotic?”
Me: “Uh… what?”
(The owner presses a button on computer and a recording starts.)
Coworker: “Its a wonderful day at [Pet Store]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “My dog has cancer. Do you guys recommend any special type of food?”
Coworker: “OH MY GOD! WE HAVE THE CUTEST DOGS!”
Customer: “My dog has cancer, you f***** a**-hole.”
Coworker: “…oh.”
(The owner stops the recording and looks at me.)
Me: “That wasn’t me. I don’t even answer phones! I stay locked up in the kennel, away from humans!”
Owner: “I know. You hear all the gossip they sprout when they’re back there. Are my floor people idiotic?”
Me: “… yes.”
