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Store Of The D***ed, Part 2

| Monticello, MN, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(I work at a grocery/retail store that has a somewhat relaxed dress code for the cashiers. It is quite hot both inside and outside the store. Many of my female coworkers are wearing less clothing than usual. A customer comes to my check lane and unloads her groceries.)

Customer: “Oh, thank God. SOMEBODY around here knows how to dress in a way that pleases the Lord!”

(Right away, I know this is going to be unpleasant. I’m a transgender man with no religious belief.)

Customer: “All of these god-d*** heathens dress like streetwalkers! I’m so glad I found someone uncontaminated to handle my food!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say ‘uncontaminated?'”

Customer: “Why, yes, dearie. Those worthless w****s you have to work with are contaminated by the devil! It’s too bad you have spend so much time around them, but I understand times are tough.”

Me: “Actually, I enjoy working here. I have excellent pay, flexible hours, and the opportunity to be part of a great team. I’ve made friends with several of my coworkers, and we regularly spend time together outside of work.”

Customer: “Oh, dearie, you know you shouldn’t yoke yourself to an unbeliever! But I suppose it’s hard to lead some to Christ if you don’t know them very well.”

(At this point, I’m finished scanning and bagging her groceries. She pays with her card and turns to me.)

Customer: “You know, young lady. I just feel so bad for you. You’re stuck in this awful, godless place, and I just—”

(The customer rummages in her purse and pulls out two $5 bills.)

Customer: “Take these are use them to do The Lord’s work!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept your money in good conscience. I happen to be one of those godless heathens you were upset about. Furthermore, I’m sorry to say that you have made a crucial flaw in your perception of me. I am not, as you said, a ‘young lady.’ I am a 21-year-old transgender man.”

(The customer begins to shout various racial, homophobic, and trans-phobic slurs. My manager rushes over to find out what’s going on.)

Customer: “THIS GODLESS C*** CONTAMINATED MY FOOD!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need stop verbally abusing the staff and leave the premises. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to call the police.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?”

Manager: “No, ma’am, and quite frankly I don’t care. You’re shouting some of the vilest insults in the English language at one of my best cashiers. Get your s*** and leave. NOW!”

(The customer flees, insulting both of us the whole time. The next customer in line has watched the situation unfold.)

Next Customer: *to my manager* “Excuse me. Would it be alright if I gave you both a gift card? You deserve something nice after all that.”

Me: “You don’t need to—”

Manager: “Uh, okay. Sure.”

Next Customer: “Here. Just [item] and two $25 gift cards for [coffee shop].”

(When the friendly customer gives me the gift card, his number is written on the back. We’ve been dating for almost two years!)

Related:
Store Of The D***ed

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Smelling A Sale

| Mobile, AL, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(I work at a mall perfume counter. It’s close to Christmas. Many people are running around like crazy. It’s my first Christmas at this job. I’m very nervous about approaching people who look like they’re in a hurry. Two of my coworkers have already been yelled at by some hurrying customers. I see a customer, sort of casually strolling through, and decide to try her.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Would you like a sample of this cologne?”

(The customer gives me a blank look.)

Customer: “What for?”

Me: “For… well, just to smell.”

Customer: “But I’m not a man.”

Me: “Well, no. But maybe you’re looking for a last minute gift for some man in your life?”

Customer: “There is no man in my life! They’re all dead!”

(I am horrified and speechless. The customer bursts into giggles.)

Customer: “Sorry. You all just look so nervous and bored over here. I thought I’d have a bit of fun! That’s [Perfume Name], right? I’ll have four.”

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Thank God Christmas Comes But Once A Year

| MI, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(Due to poor customer service by a coworker, my manager is helping a customer with Christmas items. He gives her expensive live trees for $10 each and some free Christmas lights to make up for my coworker. He apologizes and thanks the customer before leaving to deal with another issue. This is what I hear when the customer goes to the services desk to pay and complain to the desk clerk.)

Customer: “I am never shopping here again! That was horrible service.”

Clerk: “I am so sorry about the mix up with [Coworker]. That usually doesn’t happen. [Manager] took care of you though? Right?”

Customer: “I don’t care about what happened with [Coworker]! [Manager] was so rude! It was TERRIBLE and offensive!”

Clerk: *shocked* “What happened with [Manager]?”

Customer: “He didn’t wish me a Merry Christmas! He ruined my Christmas shopping trip by being a heathen! I’m going to complain to his boss!”

(Yes, she did complain to our store manager and wrote a scathing review on our company’s ‘comment about us’ service! Thankfully, our awesome manager was not reprimanded, but was quite disappointed with the old proverb that you can’t please everyone!)

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Terminate This Purchase

, , , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | December 23, 2013

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Absolutely.”

(I realize the customer is buying three things. A pack of water pistols, lighter fluid, and matches.)

Me: “Um… This is an interesting purchase.”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s a wasp infestation in my garage. Figured this is easier than an exterminator.”

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Flipped Them The Bird

| AK, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(We have a regular who always comes in with his pet parrot. As our regular shops, the parrot sits on his shoulder and quietly chatters to himself. Since the bird is very well-behaved and the employees adore him, we allow the customer to do this. It also makes him pretty popular and gets a lot of questions.)

Me: “Oh, good afternoon, [Regular Customer]! Hi, [Bird’s Name]! Is this all today?”

Regular Customer: “Yup. That’s it!”

(While I scan, the customer behind the regular is staring intently at his bird.)

Other Customer: “Excuse me… Is that thing on your shoulder real?”

(Before either of us can answer, the parrot suddenly whirls around and leans into the other customer’s face.)

Parrot: “SQUAAAAAAWK!”

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